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Bill Engvall Quotes

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Of dogs:
That's why they're man's best friend, 'cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.

Bill Engvall
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Men have three basic needs: Eating, sleeping, sex. That's it.

Bill Engvall
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Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called "Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper." Just how "rapidly" are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play "Beat the Clock" in the thicket.

Bill Engvall
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I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school."

Bill Engvall

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What we observe is not nature itself but nature exposed to our method of questioning. Our scientific work in physics consists in asking questions about nature in the language that we possess and trying to get an answer from experiment by the means that are at our disposal.
Werner Heisenberg

Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall
Creative Commons

Born: July 27, 1957 (age 67)
Bio: William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit, and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group.
Known for:
  1. The Bill Engvall Show (2007 – 2009)
  2. Dancing with the Stars (Since 2005)
  3. The Jeff Foxworthy Show (1995 – 1997)
  4. Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
  5. Blue Collar TV (2004 – 2006)

WikipediaBill Engvall on Wikipedia

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