Bill Engvall Quotes

4 Sourced Quotes

Of dogs:

That's why they're man's best friend, 'cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.

Bill Engvall

Men have three basic needs: Eating, sleeping, sex. That's it.

Bill Engvall

Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called "Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper." Just how "rapidly" are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play "Beat the Clock" in the thicket.

Bill Engvall

I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school."

Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall

Creative Commons

Born: July 27, 1957 (age 68)

Bio: William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit, and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group.

Known for:

The Bill Engvall Show (2007 – 2009)
Dancing with the Stars (Since 2005)
The Jeff Foxworthy Show (1995 – 1997)
Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
Blue Collar TV (2004 – 2006)

Bill Engvall on Wikipedia

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