Authors
Topics
Lists
Pictures
Resources
More about Will Cuppy
Will Cuppy Quotes
136 Sourced Quotes
Source
Report...
Three million alligators were killed in Florida between 1880 and 1900. Goody!
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
The Romans were stern and dignified, living hard, frugal lives and adhering to the traditional Latin virtues, gravitas, pietas, simplicitas, and adultery.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
They [the Pilgrim Fathers] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
In 1740 Frederick became King and wrote a book to prove that lying, cheating, and highway robbery are wrong and that true happiness comes only from helping others. He then took Silesia away from Maria Theresa of Austria, who he had promised to protect, and was called Frederick the Great.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Attila was now sixtyish. His mind was weakening and he decided to marry again, as he had been terribly misunderstood the first three hundred times.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
She [Lucrezia] also had bright yellow hair, which she washed once a week with a mixture of saffron, box shavings, wood ash, barley straw, madder, cumin seed, and one thing and another to bring out the hidden glints and restore its natural color. You left it on your head for twenty-four hours and washed it off with lye made from cabbage stalks, the only hazard of which was the second-degree burn. If your hair remained on the scalp, you were a blonde.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
The female of any species is generally regarded as a relatively anabolic organism, more passive than the male, who is relatively katabolic and active. The fact remains that one frequently runs across a rather katabolic female.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
As you may be aware, Louis XIV built Versailles, a large, drafty place full of Louis Quatorze furniture and Madame de Montespan.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Thenceforth Jeanne's deeper infatuations always seemed to concern gentlemen of a certain age and standing in the financial world. Older men say such interesting things, and Jeanne was always a good listener. Anything you said was news to her.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Much still remains to be learned about his sex life because the Hummingbird is quicker than the eye.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Livy informs us that Hannibal split the huge Alpine rocks with vinegar to break a path for the elephants. Vinegar was a high explosive in 218 B. C., but not before or since.
Footnote
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
He [Alexander] was often extremely brutal to his captives, whom he sold into slavery, tortured to death, or forced to learn Greek.
Footnote
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Most people erroneously call this snake the Puff Adder, Beach Adder, or Blowing Viper. So, naturally, they kill it.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
He [Pericles] reduced the power of the Council of the Areopagus, a group of feeble old men who held their jobs for life and whose duty it was to declare everything null and void… [Footnote:] He also revoked their right to censor the private lives of the citizens. This was nasty of Pericles, for about the only pleasure the old fellows had was catching some citizen doing what he shouldn't. After that, they had to use their imaginations.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
As for Lucrezia, there wasn't even a rumor in her own day that the strawberries at her Wednesday luncheons were dipped in sugar of lead and the other dishes tastefully sprayed with antimony, hellebore, corrosive sublimate, and deadly nightshade, all popular Renaissance flavors.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
The Age of Reptiles ended because it had gone on long enough and it was all a mistake in the first place. A better day was dawning at the close of the Mesozoic Era. There were some little warm-blooded animals around which had been stealing and eating the eggs of the Dinosaurs, and they were gradually learning to steal other things, too. Civilization was just around the corner.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Philip [II of Spain] was a great believer in diplomacy, or the art of lying. He fooled some of the people some of the time.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Pericles was the people's friend. [Footnote: The very poorest citizens had a chance to become President, but somehow they didn't. It may have been just a coincidence.] He was so fond of the people that he paid them to go to the Assembly and vote, and they were so fond of him that they elected him year after year.
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
Great men seem to have only one purpose in life — getting into history. That may be all they are good for.
Footnote
Will Cuppy
Source
Report...
I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.
Will Cuppy
1
2
3
4
5
6
Quote of the day
Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.
Dorothy L. Sayers
Will Cuppy
Born:
August 23, 1884
Died:
September 19, 1949
(aged 65)
Bio:
William Jacob "Will" Cuppy was an American humorist and literary critic, known for his satirical books about nature and historical figures.
Known for:
How to Attract the Wombat (1949)
How to tell your friends from the apes (1931)
How to Become Extinct (1941)
Most used words:
people
elephants
time
men
aristotle
believed
age
life
years
thought
early
war
history
montezuma
killed
Will Cuppy on Wikipedia
Suggest an edit or a new quote
Will Cuppy Quotes
Will Cuppy Short Quotes
American Journalist Quotes
Journalist Quotes
19th-century Journalist Quotes
Featured Authors
Lists
Predictions that didn't happen
If it's on the Internet it must be true
Remarkable Last Words (or Near-Last Words)
Picture Quotes
Confucius
Philip James Bailey
Eleanor Roosevelt
Letitia Elizabeth Landon
Popular Topics
life
love
nature
time
god
power
human
mind
work
art
heart
thought
men
day
×
Lib Quotes