Roseanne Barr Quotes

57 Sourced Quotes

Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.

Roseanne Barr
Two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.

Roseanne Barr
My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it.

Roseanne Barr
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. I think every woman should be fat like me.

Roseanne Barr
Everything was the woman's fault, according to Bill and his mother. She was Phyllis Schlafly without the humor and the nice clothes.

Roseanne Barr
Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately to realize that Americans are definitely believing in and planning for the future, despite the fact that they elected Ronald Reagan twice.

Roseanne Barr
If I were Her what would really piss me off the worst is that they cannot even get My gender right for Christsakes.

Roseanne Barr
My husband and I didn't sign a prenuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Roseanne Barr
I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.

Roseanne Barr
I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.

Roseanne Barr
My husband asked me to be more aggressive in bed, so I shouted, 'NO!'

Roseanne Barr
I have a fierce eating disorder that has survived even bariatric surgery. I got even fatter after that! Hey, maybe fat people are just trying to get closer to others, did anybody ever that of that?!

Roseanne Barr
My husband said he needed more space, so I locked him outside.

Roseanne Barr
Me and my husband just found a new method of birth control that really works. Every night before we go to bed, we spend an hour with our kids.

Roseanne Barr
I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word homemaker either. I want to be called – domestic goddess.

Roseanne Barr
My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.

Roseanne Barr
When it came to chit-chat, he made Silas Marner look like Arsenio Hall.

Roseanne Barr
My family really stuck out in Utah: We had only the one mother!

Roseanne Barr
Men do some things better, like reading maps, because only the male mind can conceive of one inch equalling one hundred miles.

Roseanne Barr
My grandmother... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America.

Roseanne Barr
Eating cookies that you bake with your grandmother is one of the greatest social steps one must experience in order to grow up into a decent world citizen, in my opinion.

Roseanne Barr
TV is a language all its own, a land of one dimensional stereotypes that destroys culture, not adds to it. TV is anti-art, a reflection of consumerism that serves the power structure. TV is about demographics.

Roseanne Barr
I have a job to do while I am on this planet in this incarnation: To attempt to break every social norm, turn it back on itself and see that it is laughed at.

Roseanne Barr
Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature...

Roseanne Barr
My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.

Roseanne Barr
I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled.

Roseanne Barr
I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

Roseanne Barr
You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.

Roseanne Barr
My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell.

Roseanne Barr
Politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.

Roseanne Barr