Mark Twain Quotes

1,400 Sourced Quotes

Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization-one for home consumption and one for the heathen market?

Mark Twain
It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.

Mark Twain
When teeth became touched with decay or were otherwise ailing, the doctor knew of but one thing to do — he fetched his tongs and dragged them out. If the jaw remained, it was not his fault.

Mark Twain
A private should preserve a respectful attitude toward his superiors, and should seldom or never proceed so far as to offer suggestions to his general in the field. If the battle is not being conducted to suit him, it is better for him to resign. By the etiquette of war, it is permitted to none below the rank of newspaper correspondent to dictate to the general in the field.

Mark Twain
And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows

Mark Twain
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is wrong. There is no other time.

Mark Twain
And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.

Mark Twain
Opinions based upon theory, superstition, and ignorance are not very precious.

Mark Twain
When an honest writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty to strip it bare and hurl it down from its place of honor, no matter who suffers by it; any other course would render him unworthy of the public confidence.

Mark Twain
I believe I have had the most trouble with a portrait which I painted in installments - the head on one canvas and the bust on another.

Mark Twain
From the dome of St. Peter's one can see every notable object in Rome... He can see a panorama that is varied, extensive, beautiful to the eye, and more illustrious in history than any other in Europe.

Mark Twain
The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it.

Mark Twain
We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.

Mark Twain
We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.

Mark Twain
If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease.

Mark Twain
Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.

Mark Twain
It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.

Mark Twain
Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.

Mark Twain
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Mark Twain
It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.

Mark Twain
All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.

Mark Twain
An occultation of Venus is not half so difficult as an eclipse of the sun, but because it comes seldom the world thinks it's a grand thing.

Mark Twain
The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest of human gifts, and the happy delivery of it another.

Mark Twain
The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it-when unpopular.

Mark Twain
Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow.

Mark Twain
There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children.

Mark Twain
Come, cheer up, old man; there's no use in losing your grip and going back to this child's play merely because this big sunspot is drifting across your shiny new disk.

Mark Twain
It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.

Mark Twain
Nature's attitude toward all life is profoundly vicious, treacherous and malignant.

Mark Twain
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

Mark Twain