George Burns Quotes

40 Sourced Quotes

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

George Burns
Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it... like lunch or dinner.

George Burns
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

George Burns
At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.

George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

George Burns
Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks.

George Burns
Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh... like uh... like... uh... well, I'll think of it later.

George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

George Burns
Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.

George Burns
Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.

George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

George Burns
Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.

George Burns
It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

George Burns
She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

George Burns
When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

George Burns
There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.

George Burns
From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

George Burns
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

George Burns
I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book. So relax, read it, and if you don't enjoy it, remember that you're saving money.

George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.

George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

George Burns
My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine; I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.

George Burns
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns
The secret of acting is sincerity – and if you can fake that, you've got it made.

George Burns
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

George Burns
A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman…or a bad woman, depending on how much happiness you can stand.

George Burns