Gracie Allen Quotes

34 Sourced Quotes

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for this country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

Gracie Allen
I'm having my platform run up by a movie set designer, so it will be very impressive from the front, but not too premanent. After all, there's no sense putting a lot of time and thought into something you'll have no use for after you're elected.

Gracie Allen
I think there's so much good in the worst of us, and so many of the worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth talking about.

Gracie Allen
When my mother had to get dinner for eight she'd just make enough for sixteen and only serve half.

Gracie Allen
Today millions of people are living who will never do it again. Millions are being born for the first time–and millions are doing nothing because it's the best offer they've had this week. … It is for these people and many others that the Surprise Party is conceived and desecrated, founded upon the principle that everybody is just as good as anybody else, even though they aren't quite so smart.

Gracie Allen
I fully realize that every promise I make, the Republicans will double and the Democrats will redouble. They think this will make me vulnerable, but they don't know I have some tricks up my sleeve, along with a box of raisins to munch on while I'm waiting for the returns to come in.

Gracie Allen
My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.
On her husband, George Burns

Gracie Allen
We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

Gracie Allen
I was so surprised at being born that I didn't speak for a year and a half.

Gracie Allen
You're the only boy who ever made me cry, and I decided that if you could make me cry, I must really love you.

Gracie Allen
As we walk hand in hand through the pathways of knowledge, remember that I am giving you freely and without stint the full accumulation of my two months' experience as a candidate. I have on file a complete record of everything I've said and done. Ever since I threw my hat in the ring I have had myself shadowed, and the results were very entertaining. The things that go on in those back rooms, you wouldn't believe.
So now we begin our journey together. If you follow these instructions carefully, you will find that every step of your progress, like the path that climbs up and up from the sheltered valley, offers you an ever-wider and more facinating vista, until at last you come out upon the summit of the wrong hill.

Gracie Allen
Let's all pull together and make these United States the grandest place in this whole country. I see a vision. A glorious vision. A united people, marching forward shoulder to shoulder, giving their all for the common good, working while I whistle.

Gracie Allen
As a well-known great man would have said if he had thought of it, Don't go around offending people just because it can be done sitting down.

Gracie Allen
This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

Gracie Allen
Cultivate friendships. If you don't have time to cultivate all of them, plow under every fifth one and collect your bonus.

Gracie Allen
The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

Gracie Allen
George: Gracie, those are beautiful flowers. Where did they come from?
Gracie: Don't you remember, George? You said that if I went to visit Clara Bagley in the hospital I should be sure to take her flowers. So, when she wasn't looking, I did.

Gracie Allen
Who am I to talk? That's a fair question, and one which deserves a better answer than I can give you. … Come to think of it, who are you? Whoever you are, I sympathize with you. I sympathize with everybody; that's what I get for being a candidate myself. Let them call us nonentities. Who cares? A nonenitiy can be just as famous as anybody else if enough people know about him.
But let's leave personalities out of this and just talk about me.

Gracie Allen
I don't see what difference it makes what side it's [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

Gracie Allen
My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

Gracie Allen
One of the greatest problems today is about the people who would rather be right than be President. I have a solution for that. You can be Left and President: that way you can eat your cake and halve it too. Or you can stay in the middle of the road and get run over.

Gracie Allen
Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

Gracie Allen
I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

Gracie Allen
Presidents are made, not born. That's a good thing to remember. It's silly to think that Presidents are born, because very few people are 35 years old at birth, and those who are won't admit it. So if you're only 16 don't be discouraged, because it's only a phase and there's nothing wrong with you that you won't outgrow.

Gracie Allen
Every politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear to the ground.

Gracie Allen