Eddie Izzard Short Quotes

16 Sourced Quotes

View all Eddie Izzard Quotes
I like my coffee like I like my women... in a plastic cup.

Eddie Izzard
I like my women like I like my coffee... covered in beeees!

Eddie Izzard
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

Eddie Izzard
Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney?

Eddie Izzard
Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they fuck off; that's the deal.

Eddie Izzard
Agatha Christie? We go back years, me and Ag. She's a … she's just a … she's dead, isn't she?

Eddie Izzard
About American and British Language:
You say 'erbs and we say herbs. Because there's a fucking 'H' in it

Eddie Izzard
And we're going, "Oh, Captain Clever! Whoa-ho-ho! Rattle it, and if it doesn't go off, it can't be a bomb!"

Eddie Izzard
[About homophobes] As long as they're homophobic behind closed doors, and don't hurt anyone, I'm fine with it.

Eddie Izzard
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

Eddie Izzard
So … uh … I'd better explain the tits. Um … didn't have those at school. Wanted to, but not in the school curriculum … even though I asked.

Eddie Izzard
Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh … well, until you killed them all, I suppose.

Eddie Izzard
Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18[gibberish]. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You".

Eddie Izzard
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

Eddie Izzard
So I've learnt that the world is 4,500 million years old. If you're very religious, then it's not 4,500 million years old, it's 6,000 years old. One of these is not correct.

Eddie Izzard
The National Rifle Association says guns don't kill people, people do. But I think the gun helps. Just standing there, going 'Bang!'—that's not going to kill too many people.

Eddie Izzard