Louis C.K. Quotes

19 Sourced Quotes

I remember reading an article about Frasier when it was going off the air – a very sad obituary from a TV writer who said that Frasier was such a smart show, and it was for the Mensa set. And he gave an example, where he quoted some line about a woman that Frasier thinks is very mean and he says, Her idea of tough love is the Spanish Inquisition. And they thought that was very smart—just because he mentioned something from history.

Louis C.K.
Twitter and Facebook and MySpace; all that stuff makes you warped. We've all basically given ourselves data entry jobs. I've actually heard people say things like, Aw shit, I have to update my Twitter. Really? You have to? That's a big priority for you?

Louis C.K.
There's a huge amount of work that goes into placating a network in regular television. It's literally 70% or 80% of your workload, is showing them the material, getting their notes and presenting it to them and making sure they weigh in. It's a huge amount of work.

Louis C.K.
Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about.

Louis C.K.
I think of boxing a lot with standup. I even train with boxing trainers

Louis C.K.
I can't sit down and write jokes. I just flows in from some maddeningly elusive place. Believe me, if I had an Alaska in my brain, I would drill baby drill, and I'd cum right on Sarah's back while I was there.

Louis C.K.
It's been a very old thing for people to gather together and laugh at stuff. The first comedian in America really was Abraham Lincoln … He used to go to a pub near where he lived and stand in front of the fire and he packed the place every night and he would just talk and bust everybody in their guts. He was just a hilarious speaker and that's what he did.

Louis C.K.
People say 'my phone sucks.' No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

Louis C.K.
Well, I think likability is an overused word. I don't watch people 'cause I like them; I watch them because they're compelling. Sympathetic is a little different … Likable just thins you out. Working to make a character likable is what kills most TV shows.

Louis C.K.
One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street … I was with a friend who said to me, You just littered on the street! Don't you care about the environment? And I thought about it, and I said, You know what? This in't the environment. This is New York City … New York City is not the environment. New York City is a giant piece of litter. Next to Mexico City, [it's] the shittiest piece of litter in the world. Just a pussy, runny, smokin', stinkin' piece of litter.

Louis C.K.
If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.

Louis C.K.
Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's really hard to come back from– harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.

Louis C.K.
Drugs are so fucking good that they'll ruin your life.

Louis C.K.
Now we live in an amazing, amazing world and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots.

Louis C.K.
There's a need to perfect things in a writers' room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It's a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.

Louis C.K.
I don't have a sex 'drive'. I have a sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in.'

Louis C.K.
They charged me 15 dollars. That's how much it costs to only have 20 dollars.

Louis C.K.
It seems like the better it gets, the more miserable people become. There's never a technological advancement where people think, Wow, we can finally do this! … And I think a lot of it has to do with advertising. Americans have it constantly drilled into our heads, every fucking day, that we deserve everything to be perfect all the time.

Louis C.K.
I remember the day I saw my hair was thinning. I don't remember caring much. I don't care. It's just hair. It never bothered me much. I was pretty young, too. And it happened and is happening veeery slowly. I have a feeling dead people get really mad when we complain about losing hair.

Louis C.K.