Christopher Moore Quotes

108 Sourced Quotes

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

Christopher Moore
The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring — much like a doctor's waiting room.

Christopher Moore
It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer...a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.

Christopher Moore
If they'd been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can't scratch.

Christopher Moore
Moses should have said "Let my people go. Please."

Christopher Moore
She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature—that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.

Christopher Moore
It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.

Christopher Moore
Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy

Christopher Moore
Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of "Tangled Up in Blue" in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.

Christopher Moore
One day the good times had to keep on rolling, and all of life's horseshit would turn to circuses.

Christopher Moore
In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.

Christopher Moore
You don't hurry a thinker, and you don't talk to him when he's thinking. It's just inconsiderate.

Christopher Moore
Winter near the shore is cold. The wind kicks up a salty mist and elephant seals come to shore to trumpet and rut and birth their pups. Retired people put sweaters on their lap dogs and drag them down the street on retractable leashes in a nightly parade of doggy humiliation. Surfers don their wetsuits against the chill of storm waves and white sharks adjust their diets to include shrink-wrapped dude-snacks on fiberglass crackers.

Christopher Moore
Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.

Christopher Moore
Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.

Christopher Moore
Action based on hope just felt better than the paralysis of certainty.

Christopher Moore
Perhaps there is a reason that there is no fool piece on the chessboard. What action, a fool? What strategy, a fool? What use, a fool? Ah, but a fool resides in a deck of cards, a joker, sometimes two. Of no worth, of course. No real purpose. The appearance of a trump, but none of the power: Simply an instrument of chance. Only a dealer may give value to the joker.

Christopher Moore
Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?

Christopher Moore