Carl Hiaasen Quotes

33 Sourced Quotes

There is no writer's block in a newsroom. There's only unemployment block.

Carl Hiaasen
Mr. Cabal's lawyer didn't appreciate your description of his client as 'yellow-bellied vermin culled from the stinkpot of Castro's jails for discharge at Mariel's harbor of shame.

Carl Hiaasen
That's what people do when they find a special place that wild and full of life, they trample it to death.

Carl Hiaasen
In the next 40 years, there's going to be a larger demand than ever for people who can communicate with the written word, whatever format it takes. I don't think there's ever been a greater need for people to be able to write at a functional level, whether they're tapping on their computer keyboard or on their iPhone.

Carl Hiaasen
Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.

Carl Hiaasen
In his own mind, it was never a matter of courage. But courage it was.

Carl Hiaasen
It was inevitable that the poacher and the counterfeiter would bond, sharing as they did a blanket contempt for government, taxes, homosexuals, immigrants, minorities, gun laws, assertive women and honest work.

Carl Hiaasen
Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.

Carl Hiaasen
Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.

Carl Hiaasen
If you picked the headlines from the five largest newspapers in Florida every day, you could make a very solid case that the human race was slipping backward into the primal ooze.

Carl Hiaasen
The victim's hand was contracted into a fist except for the middle digit, which was rigidly extended.

Carl Hiaasen
When I go out and give speeches, the title of my speech is "The Case Against Intelligent Design." And I base it strictly on what I've observed here in Florida, which is that the human race is actually de-evolving, that we are moving backward on the evolutionary scale.

Carl Hiaasen
There's been this great lamentation about the end of newspapers as we know them, the end of the era of the paper hitting your doorstep in the morning, but I don't think the language or the craft of writing is dying.

Carl Hiaasen
Miami... the floating-human-body-parts capital of America.

Carl Hiaasen
Sometimes you're going to be faced with situations where the line isn't clear between what's right and what's wrong.Your heart will tell you to do one thing and your brain will tell you to do something different. In the end, all that's left is to look at both sides and go with your best judgment.

Carl Hiaasen
Like all terrible golfers, Dr. Remond Courtney believed that nothing was too extravagant for his game. He wore Arnold Palmer sweaters and Tom Watson spikes, and carried a full set of Jack Nicklaus MacGregors, including a six-wood that the Golden Bear himself couldn't hit if his life depended on it.

Carl Hiaasen
The message, never stated but avuncularly implied, is that America's values ought to reflect those of the Walt Disney Company and not the other way around.

Carl Hiaasen
The Dragon Queen was firm: No sex, no more voodoo curses on Christopher.

Carl Hiaasen
Mrs. Bonneville never buckled her seat belt, even though it was required by state law; an ardent libertarian, she opposed government meddling in all matters of personal choice.

Carl Hiaasen
Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, phoney-baloney preachers-most of 'em are men, and most of 'em lie like rugs.

Carl Hiaasen
Roy remembered the time he and his father had a talk about fighting. 'It's important to stand up for what's right,' Mr. Eberhardt had said, 'but sometimes there's a fine line between courage and stupidity.

Carl Hiaasen
Public outrage is the best antidote, because it often leads to change. But people can't get outraged without rapid access to solid, useful information — what we used to call journalism. There's so much garbage being disguised as fact and so many gasbags posing as sages; somebody has to cut through the crap.

Carl Hiaasen
Jimmy Lee Baylis was a wise man, and knew better than to talk back to the man who signed his paycheck.

Carl Hiaasen
The man's a born straggler, Honey thought, another lucky exception to the rules of natural selection. A million years ago he would've been an easy snack for a saber-toothed tiger.

Carl Hiaasen
No deliberative body is manifestly less qualified to make decisions about public education than our state Legislature. With a few shining exceptions, most of these clowns don't read, can't write, and clearly can't add.

Carl Hiaasen
The species has not been elevated by much of what's happened in the last 30 or 40 years. And obviously, it's not just in Florida. The sort of thing that used to happen only in fiction can hardly compare to what's in the news today. The reality of our current politics and the economic meltdown — that's straight out of Tom Wolfe.

Carl Hiaasen
As a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took......

Carl Hiaasen
That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you.

Carl Hiaasen
The evening news made her wonder if God was dead; the morning sun made her believe He wasn't.

Carl Hiaasen
He wondered if something was mentally wrong with him for being content with what he had.

Carl Hiaasen