Christopher Moore Quotes

108 Sourced Quotes

Tension among a bunch of neurotics is just more interesting for a story than is a description of dedicated professionals doing their work and getting along, which is the case in reality. When in doubt, assume I made it up.

Christopher Moore
It's like he has this power over me—like I have an eating disorder and he's a package of Oreo Double Stuff cookies.

Christopher Moore
Tommy had felt alone in a crowd before, even inferior to everyone in a crowd, but now he felt, well, different. It wasn't just the clothes and the make up, it was the humanity. He wasn't part of it. Heightened senses or not, he felt like he had his nose pressed against the window, looking in. The problem was, it was the window of a donut shop.

Christopher Moore
May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.

Christopher Moore
The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. [...] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.

Christopher Moore
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Christopher Moore
Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food?" No, I'm just not very hungry." You're going to break my heart, aren't you?

Christopher Moore
I am convinced by the events of the last few weeks that nefarious forces of people—unidentified but no less real—are threatening life as we know it, and in fact, may be bent on unraveling the very fabric of our existence.

Christopher Moore
What is your name?" asked Lear. Caius," said Kent. And whence do you hail?" From Bonking, sire." Well, yes, lad, as do we all," said Lear, "but from what town?

Christopher Moore
But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?

Christopher Moore
She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.

Christopher Moore
As if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.

Christopher Moore
It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.

Christopher Moore
She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.

Christopher Moore
I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.

Christopher Moore
Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess

Christopher Moore
You want me and I want you. right?" Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right.

Christopher Moore
Do we look like thrill-seekers? Wasn't it enough that we had to put up that sign reading NO HABLA ESPANOL and acknowledge the existence of thirty percent of the population, even in the negative?

Christopher Moore
Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

Christopher Moore
I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.

Christopher Moore
Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.

Christopher Moore
Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk

Christopher Moore
Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

Christopher Moore
That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith.

Christopher Moore
It's about average for us. Behavior always draws more than survey. We're the sexy ones,' Nate said with a grin. Amy snorted. 'Oh, yeah, you guys are the Mae Wests of the nerd world.' We're action nerds,' Nate said. 'Adventure nerds. Nerds of romance.

Christopher Moore
You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I'm okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it's unsettling.

Christopher Moore
The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans, Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens."I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting." Him." Pardon?" It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light.

Christopher Moore
I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, "Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together" and make me finish in front of everyone.

Christopher Moore
Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn't it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid the archer's bolt. The others work their strategies and wait for the old man to fall. He has no power, yet all power moves in his orbit and to his mad whim. Do you know there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?" "Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.

Christopher Moore
All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.

Christopher Moore