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Maybe it didn't seem like a big deal to you Zach. But now, I hope you understand. My world was collapsing. I needed those notes. I needed any hope those notes might have offered. And you? You took that hope away. You decided I didn't deserve to have it.
Jay Asher
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Could be my soul mate / two kindred spirits / Maybe we're not / I guess we'll never / know
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One little ripple started today could create a typhoon fifteen years from now.
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How many times had I let myself connect with someone only to have it thrown back in my face?
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My breathing begins to slow. The tension in my muscles starts to relax. Then, a click in the headphones. A slow breath of air. I open my eyes to bright moonlight. And Hannah, with warmth. Thank you.
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Whenever I'm out late she makes a sandwich for my school lunch. I always protest and tell her not to, saying I'll make my own when I get home. But she likes it. She says it reminds her of when I was younger and needed her.
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Rejection always hurts, but having it come from my best friend was the worst.
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Josh turns to me. I can't believe she's writing these things. Not she, I say. Me. Why would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? It's crazy! Exactly, I say. I'm going to be mentally ill in fifteen years, and that's why my husband doesn't want to be around me.
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Yes, it feels great to plan your life when you believe everything can turn out fine. But what about when you're shown, again and again, how little control you have over anything? No matter what I do to try to fix my future, it doesn't work.
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Hannah wasn't my first kiss, but the first kiss that mattered: the first kiss with someone who mattered. (pg 222).
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Why would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? It's crazy!
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Will I ever get control of my life? Will I always be shoved back and pushed around by those I trust?
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Because I've heard so many stories that I don't know which one is the most popular. But I do know which is the least popular. The truth.
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And concentrating on the spot where the two spindles should be is the closest I get to looking Hannah's eyes as she tells my story.
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It's nothing. A school project. My go-to answer for anything. Staying out late? School project. Need extra money? School project.
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I'm sorry. Once again, those were the words. And now, anytime someone says I'm sorry, I'm going to think of her.
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Fun drunks make a nice addition to any party. Not looking to fight. Not looking to score. Just looking to get drunk and laugh.
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And at some point, the struggle becomes too much-too tiring-and you consider letting go. Allowing tragedy... or whatever... to happen.
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I swear, guys in groups are capable of the stupidest things." "Like war," Kellan says, heaping napkins and ketchup packets onto her tray. "And jumping off rooftops." "And lighting their farts on fire," she says.
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And after I dropped him off, I took the longest possible route home... I explored alleys and hidden roads I never knew existed. I discovered neighborhoods entirely new to me. And finally... I discovered I was sick of this town and everything in it.
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You don't need to watch out for me, Clay." But I did, Hannah. And I wanted to. I could have helped you. But when I tried, you pushed me away. I can almost hear Hannah's voice speaking my nest thought for me. "Then why didn't you try harder?
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And what if in the future we're at war again, or we still haven't elected a non-white or non-male president, or the Rolling Stones are still dragging their tired old butts on stage? That would depress me way too much.
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When you try rescuing someone and discover they can't be reached, why would you ever throw that back in their face?
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The longer you wait, and this is true, the slower the hands will move.
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You need to figure out what you want, Josh. If that means you need to swim against the tide to get it, at least youre aiming for something that could make you very happy.
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I sat. And I thought. And the more I thought, connecting the events in my life, the more my heart collapsed.
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They were like two magnets who couldn't decide whether to attract or repel.
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Normally when a person has a stellar image another person's waiting in the wings to tear them apart. They're waiting for that one fatal flaw to expose itself.
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If my love were an ocean, there would be no more land. If my love were a desert, you would see only sand. If my love were a star- late at night, only light. And if my love could grow wings, I'd be soaring in flight.
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I simply wanted a kiss. I was a freshman girl who had never been kissed. Never. But I liked the boy, he liked me, and I was going to kiss him. That's the story, the whole story, right there.
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Quote of the day
Nobody ever did anything very foolish except from some strong principle.
William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne
Jay Asher
Creative Commons
Born:
September 30, 1975
(age 49)
Bio:
Jay Asher is an American writer of contemporary novels for teens. He has one major publication in the genre of young adult literature.
Known for:
Thirteen Reasons Why (2007)
The Future of Us (2011)
What Light (2016)
Going Pro with Logic Pro 8 (2008)
Scoring with Logic Pro (2012)
Most used words:
life
time
hannah
wanted
people
thought
school
kiss
trust
hope
love
party
sorry
understand
future
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