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My heart and my trust were in the process of collapsing. And that collapse created a vacuum in my chest.
Jay Asher
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Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as joke, and she pushes you off, leave... her... alone. Don't touch her. Anywhere! Just stop. Your touch does nothing but sicken her.
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And as I stood there in the hallway―alone―trying to understand what had just happened and why, I realized the truth: I wasn't worth an explanation―not even a reaction. Not in your eyes.
Jay Asher
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Maybe if I forgot things once in a while, we'd all be a little bit happier.
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If I had a chance with him, I missed it. No, I didn't miss it. I threw it away.
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I wanted to tell you everything. And that hurt because some things were too scary. Some things even I didn't understand. How could I tell someone—someone I was really talking to for the first time—everything I was thinking? I couldn't. It was too soon.
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Everything about it was false. Right then, in that office, with the realization that no one knew the truth about my life, my thoughts about the world were shaken.
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Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don't understand. Thoughts that aren't even true—that aren't really how we feel—but they're running through our heads anyway because they're interesting to think about.
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He looks out into the empty street, allowing me to sit in his car and just miss her. To miss her each time I pull in a breath of air. To miss her with a heart that feels so cold by itself, but warm when thoughts of her flow through me.
Jay Asher
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You told me I wrote that poem because I was afraid of dealing with myself. And I used my mom as an excuse, accusing her of not appreciating or accepting me, when I should have been saying those words into a mirror.
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Maybe it didn't seem like a big deal to you Zach. But now, I hope you understand. My world was collapsing. I needed those notes. I needed any hope those notes might have offered. And you? You took that hope away. You decided I didn't deserve to have it.
Jay Asher
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Could be my soul mate / two kindred spirits / Maybe we're not / I guess we'll never / know
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One little ripple started today could create a typhoon fifteen years from now.
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How many times had I let myself connect with someone only to have it thrown back in my face?
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My breathing begins to slow. The tension in my muscles starts to relax. Then, a click in the headphones. A slow breath of air. I open my eyes to bright moonlight. And Hannah, with warmth. Thank you.
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Whenever I'm out late she makes a sandwich for my school lunch. I always protest and tell her not to, saying I'll make my own when I get home. But she likes it. She says it reminds her of when I was younger and needed her.
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Rejection always hurts, but having it come from my best friend was the worst.
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Josh turns to me. I can't believe she's writing these things. Not she, I say. Me. Why would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? It's crazy! Exactly, I say. I'm going to be mentally ill in fifteen years, and that's why my husband doesn't want to be around me.
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Yes, it feels great to plan your life when you believe everything can turn out fine. But what about when you're shown, again and again, how little control you have over anything? No matter what I do to try to fix my future, it doesn't work.
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Hannah wasn't my first kiss, but the first kiss that mattered: the first kiss with someone who mattered. (pg 222).
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Why would anyone say this stuff about themselves on the Internet? It's crazy!
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Will I ever get control of my life? Will I always be shoved back and pushed around by those I trust?
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Because I've heard so many stories that I don't know which one is the most popular. But I do know which is the least popular. The truth.
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And concentrating on the spot where the two spindles should be is the closest I get to looking Hannah's eyes as she tells my story.
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It's nothing. A school project. My go-to answer for anything. Staying out late? School project. Need extra money? School project.
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Quote of the day
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash
Jay Asher
Creative Commons
Born:
September 30, 1975
(age 48)
Bio:
Jay Asher is an American writer of contemporary novels for teens. He has one major publication in the genre of young adult literature.
Known for:
Thirteen Reasons Why (2007)
The Future of Us (2011)
What Light (2016)
Going Pro with Logic Pro 8 (2008)
Scoring with Logic Pro (2012)
Most used words:
life
time
hannah
wanted
people
thought
school
kiss
trust
hope
love
party
sorry
understand
future
Jay Asher on Wikipedia
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