Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

85 Sourced Quotes

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.

Ellen DeGeneres
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Ellen DeGeneres
I just like observing people — it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.

Ellen DeGeneres
Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of 'I think I'm a loser,' try 'I definitely am a loser.' Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid?

Ellen DeGeneres
Now, I'm no scientist, but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain, you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.

Ellen DeGeneres
But I do believe that's when you do your soul-searching. I think when you have these trials that life gives you, it is an opportunity to find out who you are. Not just who you are when everything's great, but who are you when every thing is taken away from you and you have nothing.

Ellen DeGeneres
Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing … chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.

Ellen DeGeneres
To be honest, I'd be the last person who should be doling out gardeinng advice. I don't have the patience for growing things. Yes, I realize there's nothing quite as satisfying as eating food that you've pulled up from the ground and that's why, at the height of the planting season, I bury cans of tomato soup in my backyard and dig them up in late spring.

Ellen DeGeneres
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.

Ellen DeGeneres
There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything.

Ellen DeGeneres
All of my friends were seeing a therapist, and I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't see a therapist. So I went to a therapist to find out why I wasn't seeing a therapist. And it turns out I'm very screwed up. Thank God I found a therapist to tell me for $125 an hour.

Ellen DeGeneres
It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned.

Ellen DeGeneres
I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and listen with them. Have you noticed that? When it's dark and you can't see a thing, you open your eyes really wide and glance back and force, like your eyes become your ears?

Ellen DeGeneres
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.

Ellen DeGeneres
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.

Ellen DeGeneres
We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?

Ellen DeGeneres
Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on.

Ellen DeGeneres
Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.

Ellen DeGeneres
We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna. And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed.

Ellen DeGeneres
I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it.

Ellen DeGeneres
You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.

Ellen DeGeneres
Haiku sounds like I'm Saying hi to someone named Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.

Ellen DeGeneres
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.

Ellen DeGeneres
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.

Ellen DeGeneres
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going...."

Ellen DeGeneres
It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.

Ellen DeGeneres
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

Ellen DeGeneres
Actually this is really funny - one time she accidentally forgot to leave a note and I had no idea she had even moved. I was living in the house with a beautiful Mexican family for three months before I realized they weren't my cousins visiting from out of town. They were so nice. They called me "Quien es, quien es," which I thought was a beautiful name.

Ellen DeGeneres
Yes, we're lazy. Yet we also can't seem to sit still. So we've started making things like GO-GURT. That's yogurt for people on the go. Let me ask you, was there a big mobility problem with yogurt before? How time-consuming was it, really? [pretending to be on the phone:] "Hello?... Oh, hi, Tom... oh, I've been dying to see that movie... Umm, no... I just opened up some yogurt... Yeah, I'm in for the night... No, not even later-it's the kind with fruit on the bottom. Well, have fun. Thanks anyway."

Ellen DeGeneres
All you can do
is be good to people
and hope that those people
will be good to you too
but good luck
I doubt it.

Ellen DeGeneres