Cynthia Heimel Quotes

51 Sourced Quotes

Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.

Cynthia Heimel
We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for.... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time.

Cynthia Heimel
There is one thing that humans strive for with every cell, every gene, every nerve fiber of our beings.... More than Mallomars, more than hot sex, we want to belong.

Cynthia Heimel
We know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.

Cynthia Heimel
Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

Cynthia Heimel
The country is suffering from musical-chairs syndrome. We all dance around for a bit and then when we try to sit down again, somebody doesn't have a chair. We're running scared; we want ours.

Cynthia Heimel
A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

Cynthia Heimel
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.

Cynthia Heimel
Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.

Cynthia Heimel
You must never fake an orgasm. Faking an orgasm is an act of self-degradation.

Cynthia Heimel
Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind.

Cynthia Heimel
One does not have to sleep with, or even touch, someone who has paid for your meal. All those obligations are hereby rendered null and void, and any man who doesn't think so needs a quick jab in the kidney.

Cynthia Heimel
Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

Cynthia Heimel
Dogs do all the things we want to do but won't. Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Cynthia Heimel
Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.

Cynthia Heimel
Not one woman over seventeen has any faith in her skin tone, and no woman over thirty can ever regard her upper arms with equanimity.

Cynthia Heimel
Your whole being is involved in taking care of someone else, worrying about what they think of you, how they treat you, how you can make them treat you better. Right now everyone in the world seems to think that they are codependent and that they come from dysfunctional families. They call it codependency. I call it the human condition.

Cynthia Heimel
Every writer will pick up the phone the instant it rings, because we have to know. It could be anybody. We pick up phones even when we're sleeping. I personally will ignore a phone only if I'm fighting or fucking, but some writers won't, even then.

Cynthia Heimel
It seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, that there are an awful lot of people in Manhattan. And it's getting worse.

Cynthia Heimel
A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything.

Cynthia Heimel
Success in L.A. is completely arbitrary. One day you're the brilliant genius of life, the next day people act like there's a bad smell when you approach. Lots of expensive, late-model cars are offered in the L.A. Times every day by people who have suddenly begun to smell bad. The stakes are just too high for human dignity.

Cynthia Heimel
Those rosy memories we all share are actually memories from our favorite TV shows. We've confused our own childhoods with episodes of "Ozzie and Harriet," "Father Knows Best," and "The Brady Bunch." In real life, Ozzie had a very visible mistress for years, Bud and Kitten on "Father Knows Best" grew up to become major druggies, and Mom on "The Brady Bunch" dated her fifteen-year-old fictional son.

Cynthia Heimel
The Pain-Free Shopping Method: Buy a present for you, then a present for a friend. Then another present for you. Then a present for a friend. Then two presents for you. Then a present for a friend. Then go home, get into bed, and pull up the covers.

Cynthia Heimel
Throughout their lives, women try to pummel their bodies into some phantom ideal shape that exists only with a lot of airbrushing.... I don't blame men for this. Men seem to go for us no matter what size and shape we are. I blame capitalism. No, really. The consumer must constantly be in a state of anxious low self-esteem so that she will constantly buy lipsticks and girdles to make her feel cuter.

Cynthia Heimel
In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.

Cynthia Heimel
Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.

Cynthia Heimel
Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

Cynthia Heimel
A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Cynthia Heimel
Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Cynthia Heimel
Contrary to popular cable-TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.

Cynthia Heimel