Cynthia Heimel Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind.

Cynthia Heimel
Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

Cynthia Heimel
He's got so many love handles he needs a bookmark to find his shorts.

Cynthia Heimel
A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Cynthia Heimel
A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything.

Cynthia Heimel
Never try to establish a successful flirtation when your hair is a mess.

Cynthia Heimel
It is a shoe designer's job to be a year ahead of our collective unconscious.

Cynthia Heimel
Never spend more than an hour and a half cleaning your apartment for a fellow.

Cynthia Heimel
You can't take away knowledge, and it's dangerous to pretend you never had it.

Cynthia Heimel
You must never fake an orgasm. Faking an orgasm is an act of self-degradation.

Cynthia Heimel
Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

Cynthia Heimel
Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

Cynthia Heimel
Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.

Cynthia Heimel
Women are not ladies. The term connotes females who are simultaneously put on a pedestal and patronized.

Cynthia Heimel
Dogs do all the things we want to do but won't. Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Cynthia Heimel
A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

Cynthia Heimel
Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.

Cynthia Heimel
It seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, that there are an awful lot of people in Manhattan. And it's getting worse.

Cynthia Heimel
When women are excited about a date, they go immediately on a diet, because all women know they are hideously obese.

Cynthia Heimel
Dogs are forever in the moment. They are always a tidal wave of feelings, and every feeling is some variant of love.

Cynthia Heimel
Never, under any circumstances, ever go to bed with a man you've just met in a bar. Or any man you hardly know. No matter what.

Cynthia Heimel
Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.

Cynthia Heimel
Not one woman over seventeen has any faith in her skin tone, and no woman over thirty can ever regard her upper arms with equanimity.

Cynthia Heimel
Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Cynthia Heimel
We know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.

Cynthia Heimel
The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.

Cynthia Heimel
Never, ever wear trendy, complicated shoes. Eschew shoes riddled with silver studs, plastic bows, silver ribbons, or anything even remotely adorable.

Cynthia Heimel
There is one thing that humans strive for with every cell, every gene, every nerve fiber of our beings.... More than Mallomars, more than hot sex, we want to belong.

Cynthia Heimel
Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals.

Cynthia Heimel
A car is just a moving, giant handbag! You never have actually to carry groceries, or dry cleaning, or anything! You can have five pairs of shoes with you at all times!

Cynthia Heimel