Cynthia Heimel - Sex tips for girls (1983)

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Never, under any circumstances, ever go to bed with a man you've just met in a bar. Or any man you hardly know. No matter what.

Cynthia Heimel
Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.

Cynthia Heimel
A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything.

Cynthia Heimel
Not one woman over seventeen has any faith in her skin tone, and no woman over thirty can ever regard her upper arms with equanimity.

Cynthia Heimel
One does not have to sleep with, or even touch, someone who has paid for your meal. All those obligations are hereby rendered null and void, and any man who doesn't think so needs a quick jab in the kidney.

Cynthia Heimel
You must never fake an orgasm. Faking an orgasm is an act of self-degradation.

Cynthia Heimel
We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for.... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time.

Cynthia Heimel
Prune these alleged friends ruthlessly from your life. You need all the positive reinforcement you can get. You need friends who think you're fabulous, an angel in human shape, and a breath of springtime.

Cynthia Heimel
Never try to establish a successful flirtation when your hair is a mess.

Cynthia Heimel
Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Cynthia Heimel
Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.

Cynthia Heimel
Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

Cynthia Heimel
We have no faith in ourselves. I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has great legs. And if she suspects that she might have great legs, then she's convinced that she has a shrill voice and no neck.

Cynthia Heimel
'You seem to be reacting to your boyfriend as if he were your father,' your shrink may say stonily (unless she is a strict Freudian, in which case she'll shut up and wait until you think of it yourself, a process that usually takes ten years. This is why strict Freudians have such lovely summer houses).

Cynthia Heimel
Never, ever wear trendy, complicated shoes. Eschew shoes riddled with silver studs, plastic bows, silver ribbons, or anything even remotely adorable.

Cynthia Heimel
Never spend more than an hour and a half cleaning your apartment for a fellow.

Cynthia Heimel
Contrary to popular cable-TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.

Cynthia Heimel