Craig Ferguson Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.

Craig Ferguson
Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.

Craig Ferguson
I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.

Craig Ferguson
Maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun."

Craig Ferguson
I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

Craig Ferguson
Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.

Craig Ferguson
Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.

Craig Ferguson
That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.

Craig Ferguson
Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you'll make it.

Craig Ferguson
Oh, this isn't a talk show; it's more just filling time, really, 'til the infomercials start.

Craig Ferguson
I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing [sic] me.

Craig Ferguson
Relax, you're among friends now. The long hard day is over and the roly-poly funny man is before you.

Craig Ferguson
There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

Craig Ferguson
The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.

Craig Ferguson
Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled.

Craig Ferguson
The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It's camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.

Craig Ferguson
That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

Craig Ferguson
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit rock bottom?"

Craig Ferguson
I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

Craig Ferguson
There are bound to be some lies here, but I've been telling them so long they've become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.

Craig Ferguson
It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe...

Craig Ferguson
This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

Craig Ferguson
The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.

Craig Ferguson
Failure is not a disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one.... My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.

Craig Ferguson
Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.

Craig Ferguson