W. S. Gilbert Quotes

142 Sourced Quotes

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am:
I'm a genuine philanthropist--all other kinds are sham.
Each little fault of temper and each social defect
In my erring fellow creatures, I endeavor to correct.

W. S. Gilbert
The happiest hour a sailor sees Is when he's down At an inland town, With his Nancy on his knees, yo ho! And his arm around her waist!

W. S. Gilbert
If I can wheedle
A knife or a needle,
Why not a Silver Churn?

W. S. Gilbert
See how the Fates their gifts allot, For A is happy-B is not. Yet B is worthy, I dare say, Of more prosperity than A.

W. S. Gilbert
If your master is surly, from getting up early
(And tempers are short in the morning),
An inopportune joke is enough to provoke
Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.

W. S. Gilbert
Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses,
Which empties our police courts, and abolishes divorces.

W. S. Gilbert
I shall carry to the Catacombs of Age,
Photographically lined
On the tablet of my mind

W. S. Gilbert
Strike the concertina's melancholy string!
Blow the spirit-stirring harp like any thing!
Let the piano's martial blast
Rouse the Echoes of the Past

W. S. Gilbert
Who knows but we may count among our intellectual chickens
Like them an Earl of Thackeray and p'raps a Duke of
Dickens

W. S. Gilbert
I know everybody's income and what everybody earns,
And I carefully compare it with the income-tax returns

W. S. Gilbert
Life's perhaps the only riddle That we shrink from giving up.

W. S. Gilbert
If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack,
You may get a bland smile from these sages;
But should it, by chance, be imported from France,
Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!

W. S. Gilbert
Though I'm anything but clever, I could talk like that forever.

W. S. Gilbert
On my face extended flat
I was walloped with a cat
For listening at the key-hole of the door.

W. S. Gilbert
I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer,
I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer;
To everybody's prejudice I know a thing or two;
I can tell a woman's age in half a minute--and I do

W. S. Gilbert
Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,
If you listen to popular rumour;
From morning to night he's so joyous and bright,
And he bubbles with wit and good humour!

W. S. Gilbert
After many unhappy experiments in the direction of an ideal Republic, it was found that what may be described as a Despotism tempered by Dynamite provides, on the whole, the most satisfactory description of ruler - an autocrat who dares not abuse his autocratic power.

W. S. Gilbert
Every Jack
He must study the knack
If he wants to make sure of his Jill!

W. S. Gilbert
Is life a boon? If so, it must befall That Death, whene'er he call, Must call too soon.

W. S. Gilbert
I am a courtier grave and serious Who is about to kiss your hand: Try to combine a pose imperious With a demeanour nobly bland.

W. S. Gilbert
There's fish in the sea, no doubt of it, As good as ever came out of it.

W. S. Gilbert
What though I cannot meet my bills?
What though I suffer toothache's ills?
What though I swallow countless pills?

W. S. Gilbert