Rodney Dangerfield - Wife Quotes

13 Sourced Quotes

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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth; that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.

Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.

Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

Rodney Dangerfield
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

Rodney Dangerfield
When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

Rodney Dangerfield
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

Rodney Dangerfield
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

Rodney Dangerfield