Ray Romano Quotes

18 Sourced Quotes

My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

Ray Romano
That's the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man.

Ray Romano
People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

Ray Romano
The married man has all but eliminated that worry from his life, simply because his wife knows all about him: the good, the bad, and the tiny.

Ray Romano
I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.

Ray Romano
My daughter's tricycle said "Some Assembly Required." It came in a jar.

Ray Romano
That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

Ray Romano
Without identical twins, you'll never get to experience entering a hotel room with one of them and watching him run into the full-length mirror because he though he saw his brother.

Ray Romano
If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

Ray Romano
I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

Ray Romano
You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.

Ray Romano
In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.

Ray Romano
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity..

Ray Romano
I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong..

Ray Romano
Living with kids is like living in a frat house... everything's broken, nobody sleeps, and there's alot of throwing up

Ray Romano
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Ray Romano
When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).

Ray Romano
For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

Ray Romano