Joey Comeau Quotes

31 Sourced Quotes

... There's a romance to danger. There's a romance to drinking, to drugs, to petty crime and to heartbreak and loneliness. All of those things can be used to make the STORY of our lives better.

Joey Comeau
I am writing to apply for the position of bookkeeper. Attached, you will find my list of qualifications. I have been keeping books for four years now, and I am never going to give them back.

Joey Comeau
There are jobs I could work, temp jobs, call center jobs, tech support, if I had to. I have before, and I suspect that there will be times in my life when I have to get those jobs again, when I have to make ends meet. But I don't have another career waiting for me. I don't want another career.

Joey Comeau
Alzheimer's disease is death before death, and I'm terrified of it.

Joey Comeau
There are plenty of fish in the sea, if I run out of women.

Joey Comeau
The world needs balance, and if I have to be unbalanced to supply it then so be it.

Joey Comeau
My other pro-tolerance message is also condescending.

Joey Comeau
Now, I recognize that these are very real possibilities." I said. "But let's pretend for a second that they aren't.

Joey Comeau
I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.

Joey Comeau
I have a form of ESP that allows me to consistently pick losing lottery numbers, and generally make poor life choices.

Joey Comeau
When the end comes, I hope it's as strange as that. I hope that the sky tears open and the world is washed with colors that we've never seen before.

Joey Comeau
I had a shirt made up that says, "I consistently make poor life choices." The shirt was not very popular.

Joey Comeau
I've always known I'd be a bank robber. So judge all you want, ladies and gentlemen. Because you never did become an astronaut.

Joey Comeau
Now I feel I am ready to face a world with sharp corners and all. I feel I am ready to come to work for Abrasion Enterprises.

Joey Comeau
Romance is all about making a story out of our love

Joey Comeau
My dead family and I are in your debt, and I long to help you in any way I can.

Joey Comeau
We need a new Mario game where you rescue the princess in the first ten minutes, and for the rest of the game you try to push down that sick feeling in your stomach telling you she's "damaged goods," a concept detailed again and again in the profoundly sex-negative instruction booklet, and when Luigi makes a crack about her and Bowser, you break his nose and immediately regret it. Peach asks you, in the quiet of her mushroom castle bedroom, "Do you still love me?" and you pretend to be asleep. You press A button rhythmically, to control your breath, to keep even.

Joey Comeau
... You'll never find someone calling A Softer World good natured. I don't think we do a completely bleak comic, but good natured just isn't a way you could ever describe it. Or my novels. Not the way I want.

Joey Comeau
And when our sun explodes and we are all destroyed, we'll be rocks and chunks of I am not sure what, and maybe we'll rain down on somewhere else.

Joey Comeau
Well, it's possible to be mentally ill and rational.

Joey Comeau
Sometimes I think dent-resistant side panels are a waste of money, but then I remember ladies be always throwing themselves at my car, and titties can wreak havoc on a paint job.

Joey Comeau
Her face is bent out of shape, but still recognizable. There are too many teeth in her mouth, now. It is torn open at the sides. Split along her cheeks, so the weird jagged stones of her teeth can breathe.

Joey Comeau
Sometimes Margaret tells herself that there's a moral difference between killing kittens for no reason and what she does.

Joey Comeau
Live for today you retarded little shit. The end is near.

Joey Comeau
The depression and suicidal fantasies of three years ago are nothing but a memory to me now.

Joey Comeau
You've spent every penny going out for adventures, and you expect the people back home to be your safety net. I know that, but again and again I get restless, and I need to just sell everything and take off, and I tell myself that I won't rely on people to catch me afterwards, but of course, they're always there, and they always catch me, because they love me whether I'm stupid or not.

Joey Comeau
My problem is that I can't come unless Johnny Cash is playing.

Joey Comeau
I never wanted anything to happen to my parents, but a hero needs an origin story.

Joey Comeau
I'm tired of the moral high ground. We've already got more than our share of Gandhis in "the movement". We need a General Patton. No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for HIS country.

Joey Comeau
I want to make something, and I want people to know I made it.

Joey Comeau