Jay Asher - Thirteen Reasons Why (2007)

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Watching those guys pummel each other so no one would suspect them of being weak was too much for me. Their reputations were more important than their faces.

Jay Asher
This time, for the first time, I saw the possibilities in giving up. I even found hope in it.

Jay Asher
I repeat his words in my head. What's going on? What's going on? Oh, well, since you asked, I got a bunch of tapes in the mail today from a girl who killed herself. Apparently, I had something to do with it. I'm not sure what that is, so I was wondering if I could borrow your Walkman to find out. 'Not much,' I say.

Jay Asher
Half of them kept repeating my name, trying to get it right, while the other half laughed. But they were harmless. Fun drunks make a nice addition to any party: Not looking to fight. Not looking to score. Just looking to get drunk and laugh. I remember those guys. Like the mascots of the party. "Clay! Whatcha doon here? Bah-ha-ha-ha!

Jay Asher
Because if I hadn't been so afraid of everyone else, I might have told Hannah that someone cared. And Hannah might still be alive.

Jay Asher
But I need to wake up somehow. Or maybe not. Maybe it's best to get through the day half-asleep. Maybe that's the only way to get through today.

Jay Asher
Justin, honey, you were my very first kiss. My very first hand to hold. But you were nothing more than an average guy. And I don't say that to be mean- I don't. There was just something about you that made me need to be your girlfriend to this day I don't know exactly what that was. But it was there.. and it was amazingly strong. -Thirteen Reasons Why

Jay Asher
And in high school, people are always watching so there's always a reason to pose.

Jay Asher
God, I am freaking out. Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe I just look guilty of something and he's picking up on that.

Jay Asher
Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don't understand. Thoughts that aren't even true—that aren't really how we feel—but they're running through our heads anyway because they're interesting to think about.

Jay Asher
You told me I wrote that poem because I was afraid of dealing with myself. And I used my mom as an excuse, accusing her of not appreciating or accepting me, when I should have been saying those words into a mirror.

Jay Asher
Do you remember the last thing you said to me? The last thing you did to me? And what was the last thing I said to you? Because trust me when I said it I knew it was the last thing I'd ever say.

Jay Asher
That's why you did it. You wanted your world to collapse around you. You wanted everything to get as dark as possible.

Jay Asher
My heart and my trust were in the process of collapsing. And that collapse created a vacuum in my chest.

Jay Asher
Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as joke, and she pushes you off, leave... her... alone. Don't touch her. Anywhere! Just stop. Your touch does nothing but sicken her.

Jay Asher
And as I stood there in the hallway―alone―trying to understand what had just happened and why, I realized the truth: I wasn't worth an explanation―not even a reaction. Not in your eyes.

Jay Asher
Maybe if I forgot things once in a while, we'd all be a little bit happier.

Jay Asher
I wanted to tell you everything. And that hurt because some things were too scary. Some things even I didn't understand. How could I tell someone—someone I was really talking to for the first time—everything I was thinking? I couldn't. It was too soon.

Jay Asher
Everything about it was false. Right then, in that office, with the realization that no one knew the truth about my life, my thoughts about the world were shaken.

Jay Asher
Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful.

Jay Asher
He looks out into the empty street, allowing me to sit in his car and just miss her. To miss her each time I pull in a breath of air. To miss her with a heart that feels so cold by itself, but warm when thoughts of her flow through me.

Jay Asher
If time was a string connecting all of your stories, that party would be the point where everything knots up. And that knot keeps growing and growing, getting more and more tangled, dragging the rest of your stories into it.

Jay Asher
Maybe it didn't seem like a big deal to you Zach. But now, I hope you understand. My world was collapsing. I needed those notes. I needed any hope those notes might have offered. And you? You took that hope away. You decided I didn't deserve to have it.

Jay Asher
Could be my soul mate / two kindred spirits / Maybe we're not / I guess we'll never / know

Jay Asher
How many times had I let myself connect with someone only to have it thrown back in my face?

Jay Asher
My breathing begins to slow. The tension in my muscles starts to relax. Then, a click in the headphones. A slow breath of air. I open my eyes to bright moonlight. And Hannah, with warmth. Thank you.

Jay Asher
Whenever I'm out late she makes a sandwich for my school lunch. I always protest and tell her not to, saying I'll make my own when I get home. But she likes it. She says it reminds her of when I was younger and needed her.

Jay Asher
Hannah wasn't my first kiss, but the first kiss that mattered: the first kiss with someone who mattered. (pg 222).

Jay Asher
And after I dropped him off, I took the longest possible route home... I explored alleys and hidden roads I never knew existed. I discovered neighborhoods entirely new to me. And finally... I discovered I was sick of this town and everything in it.

Jay Asher
I didn't feel physically sick. But mentally. My mind was twisting in so many ways. (...) We once saw a documentary on migraines. One of the men interviewed used to fall on his knees and bang his head against the floor, over and over during attacks. This diverted the pain from deep inside his brain, where he couldn't reach it, to a pain outside that he had control over.

Jay Asher