Jackie Mason Quotes

7 Sourced Quotes

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Jackie Mason

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Jackie Mason

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

Jackie Mason

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

Jackie Mason

While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

Jackie Mason

Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!

Jackie Mason

They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.

Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason

Creative Commons

Born: June 9, 1931

Died: July 24, 2021 (aged 90)

Bio: Jackie Mason was an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. He was ranked #63 on Comedy Central's 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all-time.

Known for:

The Simpsons (Since 1989)
Caddyshack II (1988)
The Jerk (1979)
One Angry Man (2010)
The Stoolie (1972)

Jackie Mason on Wikipedia

Suggest an edit or a new quote

American Comedian Quotes

Comedian Quotes

20th-century Comedian Quotes