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Eoin Colfer -
Artemis Fowl (2012)
111 Sourced Quotes
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I am so sick of you smart kids. Why can't you just boost cars or steal stuff like normal kids?' 'We do steal stuff. Just bigger stuff.
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It was calling me, that button," he offered as his excuse. "I couldn't resist." -MULCH DIGGUMS ON A HIGHLY PRESS-ABLE BUTTON-
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Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!
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Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud.
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People are afraid of you, Arty. Girls are terrified of you. You're a fifteen-year-old in a bespoke suit, and nobody died.
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I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
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Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained. "Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.
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Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.
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Orion nodded, then asked, Dwarf cheese? Cheese made by dwarfs. Oh, said Orion, relieved. They make it. It's not actually... No. What a horrible thought. Exactly.
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A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.
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Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.
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I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?!
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Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said. "Not me!" said Orion cheerily, "I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.
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Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.
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Holly: Seven and a half hours to save the world. Isn't there some law that says we get twenty-four? Artemis: I don't think Opal pays much attention to laws.
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I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.
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The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.
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No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
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Don't worry. I've been in showbusiness for a long time now - I know how to handle bastards
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Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes." "That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly. "Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.
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There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.
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Holly, do you trust me? Holly groaned. Artemis, don't ask me that. I just know one of your outrageous plans is coming. Do you trust me? Yes, Holly sighed. I do. More than anyone.
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If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.
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I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.
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Of course I saved you," she said. "I couldn't do without you." And because she was happy and flushed with magic, Holly leaned down and kissed Artemis, magic sparking around the contact like tiny fireworks.
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Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.
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Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.
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And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.
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Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..."... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. "Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?
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Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.
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Quote of the day
Good authors, too, who once knew better words Now only use four-letter words Writing prose — Anything goes.
Cole Porter
Eoin Colfer
Creative Commons
Born:
May 14, 1965
(age 59)
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