Dave Attell - Fun Quotes

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Ever make fun of someone so much that you feel you should thank them for all the good times? I've got a midget friend, an albino friend, and another friend who thinks "Lord of the Rings" is real. Together we call ourselves "the Unfuckables."

Dave Attell
You gotta make your own fun (Audience member cheers). That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

Dave Attell
You ever hang out all night long and then you go home a little early? Then you get that call the next day? You know that call: You shoulda hung out man! What happened?! Ohhh! 10 minutes after you left. It's always 10 minutes after you leave when the all fun shows up. Like the fun-mobile is a block behind ya at all times. Full of strippers, and midgets, and balloons. And every type of fun imaginable. 10 minutes after you left, the Dixie Chicks broke in and fucked everybody. Even the fat boy with asthma wearing the Babylon 5 tee-shirt got a hand job. And it's never gonna happen again. After I heard that I started to cry; mostly 'cause I sat on my balls.

Dave Attell
I was in Dayton, Ohio. You ever been there? Yeah? You know what's a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck outta there. It's boring. During the day we played the game of horseshoes. That game must have been invented before fun, 'cause it's not. There's only two ways for that game to end: either "this sucks, let's do something else," or "owww, you hit me with a horseshoe."

Dave Attell