Authors
Topics
Lists
Pictures
Resources
More about Darynda Jones
Darynda Jones -
First Grave on the Right (2011)
45 Sourced Quotes
View all Darynda Jones Quotes
Source
Report...
A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I'd turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
You introduced me to Danger and Will Robinson, but you neglected to acquaint me with the other two. Fine, But you can't make fun of their names. They're very sensitive. I would never. I pointed in the general vicinity of my left ovary, This is Beam Me Up. Then to my right. And this is Scotty.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth." "Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies." "I'm a good singer, mom." Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous. I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called—?" "No," she whispered. "Are you gonna tell her?" "No. It's much funnier this way.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
Did you get checked out? Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me. I meant by a doctor. No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I'd be fine." Oh, and he's an expert? At flirting.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
She didn't smile back. Not even a little. I totally needed to read that book on how to win friends and influence people. But that would involve an innate desire to win friends and influence people.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
While I was busy reminiscing about my first day on earth, I had forgotten that I was falling to my death. Damned ADD.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking. I get it, Swopes. He's not the kind of man you take home to meet your stepmom. I rethought that. Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
Dead people I could handle. They were usually beyond hysteria. This was the people-left behind part. The hard part.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
We really should get some X-rays, the EMT said. You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts, I said to the EMT.
Darynda Jones
Source
Report...
I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
Darynda Jones
1
2
Quote of the day
Communism is inequality, but not as property is. Property is exploitation of the weak by the strong. Communism is exploitation of the strong by the weak.
Pierre-Joseph Proudhon
Darynda Jones
Born:
1965
(age 59)
More about Darynda Jones...
Featured Authors
Lists
Predictions that didn't happen
If it's on the Internet it must be true
Remarkable Last Words (or Near-Last Words)
Picture Quotes
Confucius
Philip James Bailey
Eleanor Roosevelt
Letitia Elizabeth Landon
Popular Topics
life
love
nature
time
god
power
human
mind
work
art
heart
thought
men
day
×
Lib Quotes