Darby Conley Quotes

23 Sourced Quotes

Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle.

Darby Conley
Ahhhh... satchel, my boy, there's nothin' like a tuna smoothie on a hot summer day...

Darby Conley
You may think you're not pretty enough for me, but I bet I'm pretty enough for the both of us.

Darby Conley
Rob, you are so wrong, philosophers weep at the sound of your voice.

Darby Conley
I regret that you have one pie to give for my tummy.

Darby Conley
Robert, after spending 48 hours with this fish, we have transcended the conventional "food to consumer" relationship. this fish is now my friend.

Darby Conley
Do I live here? and if not, will you still feed me?

Darby Conley
I call this one "Ode to a Pigeon", Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, You Lookin' at me? YOU LOOKIN' AT ME?!

Darby Conley
Ohhh, your real name is 'Brad'?1 I only knew you by what Rob calls you around the house: 'big dumb #%$'.

Darby Conley
Is that food?.. that looks like food... I think I'll taste it.

Darby Conley
Holy cow! You were totally right— whipped cream ROCKS!

Darby Conley
It is true that you may fool all the people some of the time, you can fool some of the people all the time, but you can not fool all of the people all the time... dogs, on the other hand, with them all you need to do is flick your wrist and they run off looking for some stupid tennis ball.

Darby Conley
I will be telling this with a sigh somewhere sitting upon a fence: two slugs slithered on a yellow wood and I— I ate the slug less trampled by, and that has made all the difference.

Darby Conley
Bucky: "So I was watching TV today, and there was the most stupidest show on."
Rob: "You don't say. Offended you, did it?"
Bucky: "Yes... Yes. 'Offended.' That's exactly what it did. It said we evolved from monkeys! Well, lemme tell ya something, Bucky Katt don't come from no monkey!"
Rob: "No. No you don't. Cats actually come from a tiny, less developed, rat-like creature."
Bucky: "Wha... Hu... Fe... Shu..."
Satchel: "Ohhhh-ho-ho! Burn! Look out! Cat on fire! Uncle monkey's lookin' pretty good now, eh, Ratboy? Ha Ha Ha!"
Satchel (licking himself)(paraphrased): Mmm, that tastes like gravy from breakfast. And that's from the trash bin yesterday.

Darby Conley
Is that drooling problem you have due to genetic inbreeding, or are you just really attracted to me?

Darby Conley
He's an FBI Bomb Dog!!! Do you know how cool that is?! That's the people equivalent of like if Paul Newman was a fire fighting, baby kissing rock square!

Darby Conley
Thank you, o can opener, for this can which you are about to open. you are truly a beautiful can opener, and though I am not worthy of you, I love you.

Darby Conley
You got anything to say to your filthy monkey gods before I food you?

Darby Conley
Oh-ho-ho-man. I could sit here and smell this pole all day, I kid you not.

Darby Conley
A bad writer is just a good writer with writer's block.

Darby Conley
Do not go gentle into that cold bath!

Darby Conley
Oh bucky, you're so tiny, yet you're such a massive nutjob.

Darby Conley
There are two kinds of cartoonists in the world today-those who started out by ripping off The Far Side, and those who won't admit that they've ever ripped off The Far Side, probably because they're still doing it.

Darby Conley