Carol Leifer Quotes

13 Sourced Quotes

Never forget that cologne is for after showering, not instead of showering.

Carol Leifer
Never buy expensive thong underwear. One trip through the dryer and it's a frilly bookmark.

Carol Leifer
Never wear high heels to an event if you're going to be outside on a lawn.

Carol Leifer
Always walk a woman to her car. And always wait until a woman's car has driven safely away.

Carol Leifer
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me I was pregnant.

Carol Leifer
Never take your shoes off on a plane. Please find other ways to show your "relaxed side".

Carol Leifer
Never eat pistachio nuts after getting a French manicure.

Carol Leifer
Never put your baby's length on a birth announcement. It's a baby, not a marlin.

Carol Leifer
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Carol Leifer
Sex when you're married is like going to a 7-Eleven. There's not as much variety, but at three in the morning it's always there.

Carol Leifer
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

Carol Leifer
Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.

Carol Leifer
My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.

Carol Leifer