Bill Burr Quotes

5 Sourced Quotes

I thought roofing in the middle of July as a redhead, I thought that THAT was difficult. But these mothers are bending over at the waist, putting DVDs into DVD players... I don't know how they do it! Dude, any job that you can do in your pyjamas is not a difficult job, alright? You're 35 years old playing hide and go seek... you're living the dream! No time card, no taxes... you're off the fucking grid!

Bill Burr
Seriously, any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice. – You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"

Bill Burr
There's a critical point, when you've stayed single too long, that your brain switches from "No, don't say that" to "Eh, fuck it. Say it, see what happens."

Bill Burr
I am so pro-swine flu it's ridiculous. We need a plague. It's gotta happen. And don't worry, it's only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you're gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won't let her do it.

Bill Burr
Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.

Bill Burr