Witty Quotes

130 Sourced quotes

A prudent and discreet Silence will be sometimes more to thy Advantage, than the most witty expression, or even the best contrived Sincerity. A Man often repents that he has spoken, but seldom that he has held his Tongue.

Thomas Fuller (writer)

Curran grinned and my heart made a little jump. I didn't expect that. That's it? That's your witty comeback? Yep. Eloquence 'R' Us. When in trouble, keep it monosyllabic—safer that way.

Writers of novels are so busy being solitary that they haven't time to meet one another. But then, a writer learns nothing from a writer, conversationally. If a writer has anything witty, profound or quotable to say he doesn't say it. He's no fool. He writes it.

My mother was extremely witty and caustic, and my father knew more jokes than anyone I've ever known.

His wiles were witty and his fame far known,
Every king's daughter sought him for her own,
Yet he was nothing to be won or lost.
All lands to him were Ithaca: love-tossed
He loathed the fraud, yet would not bed alone.

Well do I remember the first night we met, how you questioned my opinion that first impressions are perfect. You were right to do so, of course, but even then I suspected what I've come to believe most passionately these past weeks: from that first moment, I knew you were a dangerous woman, and I was in great peril of falling in love." She thought she should say something witty here. She said, "Really?

The discreet man finds out the talents of those he converses with, and knows how to apply them to proper uses. Accordingly, if we look into particular communities and divisions of men, we may observe that it is the discreet man, not the witty, nor the learned, nor the brave, who guides the conversation, and gives measures to the society.

I had always envisioned the literary life or, as we used to say in East Texas, 'being an arthur,' as involving a lot of hanging out at Elaine's in New York City with terribly witty people. I have finally become an arthur and I find myself hanging out at obscure radio stations, trying to think of answers to questions like, 'So, what is it about Texas?'

Aristotle said melancholy men of all others are most witty.

We fall in love because we long to escape from ourselves with someone as beautiful, intelligent, and witty as we are ugly, stupid, and dull. But what if such a perfect being should one day turn around and decide they will love us back? We can only be somewhat shocked-how can they be as wonderful as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us?

Alain de Botton

It would be nice if sometimes the kind things I say were considered worthy of quotation. It isn't difficult, you know, to be witty or amusing when one has something to say that is destructive, but damned hard to be clever and quotable when you are singing someone's praises.

Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar.

Christopher Hitchens

If we look into communities and divisions of men, we observe that the discreet man, not the witty, nor the learned, nor the brave, guides the conversation, and gives measure to society.

I asked why Grumio had had to turn to lesser things. 'No call. In my father or grandfather's day all I would have needed in life were my cloak and shoes, my flask and strigil, a cup and knife to take to dinner, and a small wallet for my earnings. Everyone who could find the wherewithal would eagerly ask a wandering jokesmith in.'
'Sounds just like being a vagrant philosopher!'
'A cynic,' he agreed readily. 'Exactly. Most cynics are witty and all clowns are cynical. Meet us on the road, and who could tell the difference?'
'Me, I hope! I'm a good Roman. I'd take a five-mile detour to avoid a philosopher.'

An ambiguity, in ordinary speech, means something very pronounced, and as a rule witty or deceitful.... any verbal nuance, however slight, which gives room for alternative reactions to the same piece of language.

Who can prove
Wit to be witty when with deeper ground
Dulness intuitive declares wit dull?

Silence in love betrays more woe - Than words though ne'er so witty; A beggar that is dumb, you know, may challenge double pity.

HENRY: Now it is necessary to court her, and win her, and put on this clean dressing gown, and cut my various nails, and drink something that will kill the millions of germs in my mouth, and say something flattering, and be witty and bonny, and hale and kinky, all just to ease this wrinkle in the groin. It seems a high price.

Donald Barthelme

I'm in the back of a limousine with Charlie Chaplin and it's 1928. Charlie is beautiful; his body language seems to skip, and reel and rhyme, heartbreaking and witty at the same time. It seems to promise a better world.

A witty illustration or an apt story will accomplish more than columns of argument.

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.

I never cared for fashion much. Amusing little seams and witty little pleats. It was the girls I liked.

Women who are not living ought to spend all their time cracking jokes. In a rotten society women grow witty; making a heaven while they wait.

Dorothy Richardson

Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.

William Congreve

A better plan would be to head straight for Bart's Guide to London, since that's hugely entertaining and witty, i. e. written by me.

Jonathan Stroud