Rodney Dangerfield - Told Quotes

11 Sourced Quotes

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth; that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.

Rodney Dangerfield
What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Rodney Dangerfield
Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

Rodney Dangerfield
When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

Rodney Dangerfield
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

Rodney Dangerfield