Mike Royko Quotes

17 Sourced Quotes

It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an information highway, but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.

Mike Royko
It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.

Mike Royko
I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.

Mike Royko
In attacking the young, the liberal, and the black, Daley was in the mainstream of America's mass prejudices. The Democratic party may have suffered by his actions, but Daley came out...even more popular than before because bust their heads was the mood of the land and Daley had swung the biggest club.

Mike Royko
Why do you think the lottery is so popular? Do you think anybody would play if the super payoff was a job on the night shift in a meat-packing plant? People play it so if they win they can be rich and idle. Like I told you years ago - if work is so good, how come they have to pay us to do it?

Mike Royko
Reagan's approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.

Mike Royko
When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.

Mike Royko
Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.

Mike Royko
When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.

Mike Royko
You have to be a full-fledged computer nerd to navigate it. I have been there. It's like driving a car through a blizzard without windshield wipers or lights, and all of the road signs are written upside down and backwards. And if you stop and ask someone for help, they stutter in Albanian.

Mike Royko
Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this space regularly.

Mike Royko
Strict gun laws are about as effective as strict drug laws...It pains me to say this, but the NRA seems to be right: The cities and states that have the toughest gun laws have the most murder and mayhem.

Mike Royko
The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.

Mike Royko
Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.

Mike Royko
No self-respecting fish would be wrapped in a Murdoch newspaper.

Mike Royko
Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

Mike Royko
My only reaction to the Mona Lisa is the thought that if she went into a singles bar, she'd spend the entire evening buying her own drinks.

Mike Royko