Merrill Markoe Quotes

14 Sourced Quotes

My mother... took the fact that my taste differed from hers as a personal insult.

Merrill Markoe
They were soul mates, my mother and father. They claimed to adore each other, as if the word 'adore' meant 'argue with ceaselessly.'

Merrill Markoe
Our culture is definitely the eighth grade. It's run by eighth-grade boys, and the way these boys show a girl they like her is by humiliating her and making her cry.

Merrill Markoe
I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

Merrill Markoe
It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!!

Merrill Markoe
It's surely no accident that there are horoscopes in Vogue, Glamour, Mademoiselle, Woman, New Woman, Elle and Cosmo... but not Sports Illustrated, GQ, Esquire, Field & Stream or Guns & Ammo.

Merrill Markoe
I always hated those classic kid movies like Old Yeller or The Yearling where the beloved pet dies. What would be so wrong with having those damn kids learn their lessons about mortality from watching Grandpa kick? Then at least the dog would be around to comfort them.

Merrill Markoe
In a way, watching an attractive, potentially dangerous guy play guitar is a little like watching a tiger agree to do tricks for his trainer. You know that they could just turn and kill you. But you're so flattered and pleased that instead they agreed to stand on a decorative box and wave and count for the crowd that for a while you forget how big the scary part of them really is.

Merrill Markoe
The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

Merrill Markoe
My dogs, the only creatures on the planet marked by my singular nurturing imprint, have all turned out to be rude and self-absorbed. In all likelihood, if they were children instead of dogs, I would have foisted more Charlie Sheens or Kardashians onto our crumbling culture.

Merrill Markoe
A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

Merrill Markoe
Men, as a general rule, shy away from therapy because there is no obvious way to keep score.

Merrill Markoe
Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

Merrill Markoe
We are pretty sure that we and our pets share the same reality, until one day we come home to find that our wistful, intelligent friend who reminds us of our better self has decided a good way to spend the day is to open a box of Brillo pads, unravel a few, distribute some throughout the house, and eat or wear all the rest. And we shake our heads in an inability to comprehend what went wrong here.

Merrill Markoe