Merrill Markoe - What the Dogs Have Taught Me (1992)

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Our culture is definitely the eighth grade. It's run by eighth-grade boys, and the way these boys show a girl they like her is by humiliating her and making her cry.

Merrill Markoe
I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

Merrill Markoe
It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!!

Merrill Markoe
It's surely no accident that there are horoscopes in Vogue, Glamour, Mademoiselle, Woman, New Woman, Elle and Cosmo... but not Sports Illustrated, GQ, Esquire, Field & Stream or Guns & Ammo.

Merrill Markoe
The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

Merrill Markoe
A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

Merrill Markoe
We are pretty sure that we and our pets share the same reality, until one day we come home to find that our wistful, intelligent friend who reminds us of our better self has decided a good way to spend the day is to open a box of Brillo pads, unravel a few, distribute some throughout the house, and eat or wear all the rest. And we shake our heads in an inability to comprehend what went wrong here.

Merrill Markoe