Laurie Notaro Quotes

6 Sourced Quotes

I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

Laurie Notaro

Whaddaya mean 'old maids,' ha? The term is 'unclaimed treasure,' buddy, 'unclaimed treasure!'

Laurie Notaro

Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.

Laurie Notaro

You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!

Laurie Notaro

I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.

Laurie Notaro

Small towns are sometimes like that; familiarity runs high, while regard for personal space is low, if nonexistent.

Laurie Notaro

Laurie Notaro

Laurie Notaro

Bio: Laurie Notaro is a #1 New York Times best-selling American writer. Notaro was raised in Phoenix, Arizona, and graduated from Arizona State University with a degree in Journalism. Notaro was a columnist for ten years at The Arizona Republic.

Known for:

Housebroken: Admissions of an Untidy Life
Crossing the Horizon: A Novel
The Potty Mouth at the Table

Laurie Notaro on Wikipedia

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