Joe Laurie, Jr. Quotes

8 Sourced Quotes

There were many stories told about Oscar when he was in opera. The employees knew when he showed up with a slouch hat that it meant trouble, but when he wore his high hat, everything was O.K.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
Truly a fantastic figure was this Oscar Hammerstein, who made theatrical history with a deskless office, a bookless bookkeeper, a reversible plug hat, a gold-headed cane, and a Van Dyke beard.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
I think everybody should take a wife, and if you have a deep grudge against yourself, marry a widow.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
I know my wife won't tell her right age. Last week was the anniversary of her birthday; she was twenty-six for the twelfth time. No wonder everybody says she holds her age well.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
While walking down the street I met a little boy. I don't believe he was over eight years old. He looked very bright so I said to him, "Young man, I'll bet you don't know how many letters there are in the alphabet?" And the little fellow looked up and said, "I'll bet you that you don't know how many letters there are in the post office." Well sir, he had me there.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
Remember, folks, there is only one good wife in this town, and every married man thinks he's got her. I don't believe in free love; the cash and carry kind is the best. Fifty per cent of the people fall in love - the rest of them are either shoved or dragged into it.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
Last summer I went on vacation
To the country for sweet recreation.
I found all the rooms had been taken.
A young clerk from Siegel and Cooper
When he found out that I was a trouper
To the landlord said he,
"He can sleep with me," and so I did.

Joe Laurie, Jr.
Magician: I would like to borrow a five-dollar gold piece. (Look around audience and when nobody offers you the gold piece, say) Alright, I'll settle for a dollar.

Joe Laurie, Jr.