Jim Benton - Dear Dumb Diary (2010)

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My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.

Jim Benton

He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume.

Jim Benton

I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building. Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.

Jim Benton

The Destructive Arts are exactly like Martial Arts, except they don't have uniforms or usefulness and the end result doesn't resemble art in any way.

Jim Benton

I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.

Jim Benton