Jeff Foxworthy - Man Quotes

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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

Jeff Foxworthy

Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"

Jeff Foxworthy

I think [the designated driver program] is a great idea, because anything is safer than the way we used to do it: "Hey dude, get up! Give us a ride home, man! C'mon, whaddaya say? We'll buy ya a beer!"... The only problem with the designated driver program [is] it's not the world's most desirable job... But if you ever get talked into doing it, have fun with the group. Like at the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong damn house, preferably in their boss's front yard or something.

Jeff Foxworthy

If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.

Jeff Foxworthy