Fran Lebowitz - Social Studies (1981)

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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

Fran Lebowitz
The only appropriate reply to the question 'Can I be frank?' is 'Yes, if I can be Barbara."

Fran Lebowitz
Telling someone he looks healthy isn't a compliment — it's a second opinion.

Fran Lebowitz
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Fran Lebowitz
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

Fran Lebowitz
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

Fran Lebowitz
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

Fran Lebowitz
Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.

Fran Lebowitz
If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer—not a book.
On self-help books

Fran Lebowitz
Do not allow your children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.

Fran Lebowitz
I explained that my schedule could not, at this time, accommodate such a task, seeing as how I was up to my ears in oversleeping, unfounded rumors and superficial friendships.

Fran Lebowitz
Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.

Fran Lebowitz
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable expectations and eventual disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around the room with royal-blue chickens.

Fran Lebowitz
If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract—teach him to deduct.

Fran Lebowitz
Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.

Fran Lebowitz
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.

Fran Lebowitz
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

Fran Lebowitz
Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.

Fran Lebowitz
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Fran Lebowitz
Those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

Fran Lebowitz
The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.

Fran Lebowitz