Erma Bombeck Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.

Erma Bombeck
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Erma Bombeck
If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Erma Bombeck
I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

Erma Bombeck
When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.

Erma Bombeck
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.

Erma Bombeck
After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.

Erma Bombeck
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Erma Bombeck
Don't confuse fame with success. One is Madonna; the other is Helen Keller.

Erma Bombeck
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Erma Bombeck
With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

Erma Bombeck
In general they [my children] refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV.

Erma Bombeck
When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three games of football in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Erma Bombeck
My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

Erma Bombeck
Not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.

Erma Bombeck
In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.

Erma Bombeck
Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

Erma Bombeck
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

Erma Bombeck
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Erma Bombeck
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

Erma Bombeck
I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill.

Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Erma Bombeck
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

Erma Bombeck
Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

Erma Bombeck
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

Erma Bombeck
I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

Erma Bombeck
No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

Erma Bombeck