Authors
Topics
Lists
Pictures
Resources
More about Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh -
Bad
Quotes
4 Sourced Quotes
View all Daniel Tosh Quotes
Source
Report...
Don't you love it when people in school are like, "I'm a bad test taker?" You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here[points to head], but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's. I apologize if there's a Parkinson's painter in the audience. I assume your best work is in the A. M. Probably gets a bit abstract by noon.
Daniel Tosh
Source
Report...
You'll have to excuse me for my bad posture. My mom says it's 'cause I have a huge cock. Yeah, she talks like that. She's a sailor. We don't judge her. She lives by one rule, and it's the rule of the sea.
Daniel Tosh
Source
Report...
Oh, San Francisco! My 3rd favorite place to do comedy in. That's not bad, right? Top ten. More butt-fucking per square foot than any other place in the world, that's you guys. [Audience cheers] Put that on your postcards. "San Fransisco: More butt-fucking per square foot. Miss you."
Daniel Tosh
Source
Report...
I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
Daniel Tosh
Quote of the day
A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.
John Ciardi
Daniel Tosh
Creative Commons
Born:
May 29, 1975
(age 50)
More about Daniel Tosh...
Featured Authors
Lists
Predictions that didn't happen
If it's on the Internet it must be true
Remarkable Last Words (or Near-Last Words)
Picture Quotes
Confucius
Philip James Bailey
Eleanor Roosevelt
Letitia Elizabeth Landon
Popular Topics
life
love
nature
time
god
power
human
mind
work
art
heart
thought
men
day
×
Lib Quotes