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Warren Farrell -
Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (1998)
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Even men who share their personal experiences find that, instead of empathy, they get the response Dear Abby gave this man: Women have it worse. This belief is so strong that over the past quarter century, women's old fantasy of marrying a man-as-protector has been tainted by women's new nightmare of husband-as-batterer.
Warren Farrell
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A week after you read this chapter, misandry will become apparent in commercials, in films, in everyday conversations. But the bias that is hardest to see is the bias we share.
Warren Farrell
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Misandry – or man hating – is the equivalent of misogyny. If you are unaware of misandry, welcome to the club.
Warren Farrell
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No legend told its children of beautiful princesses falling in love with conscientious objectors.
Warren Farrell
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The people considered the most in need of protection were women and children. The sex considered most disposable was men – or males....
Warren Farrell
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We think of the division of labor as being outdated, but in fact it has reemerged. In the early '80s, a mother was 43 times more likely than the father to leave the workplace for family responsibilities; more recently, a mom is 135 times more likely to leave the workplace for family responsibilities.
Warren Farrell
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We had affirmative action programs to help women help themselves economically. Is it now time for affirmative action programs to do for men's feelings what the government did for women's economics?
Warren Farrell
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Divorce laws have given women economic support after divorce; no laws have given men emotional support after divorce. Men are required to continue their obligations to their exes in the form of alimony or child support; women are not required to continue their obligation to their exes in the form of homemaking or nurturing.
Warren Farrell
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A father's traditional role prepared him to love his family by being away from the love of his family.
Warren Farrell
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Women are socialized to take advantage of four informal options for emotional support: husbands; womenfriends; children; and parents. Men are socialized to take advantage of only one of these informal options: their wife or womanfriend.
Warren Farrell
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Why did virtually every culture reward its men for enduring violence? So it would have a cadre of people available to protect it in war.
Warren Farrell
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The belief that men don't need help is part of the problem.
Warren Farrell
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Both sexes had an unconscious investment in keeping men from expressing feelings of fear and vulnerability.
Warren Farrell
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In the future, women will increasingly want men who can nurture them and connect with them.
Warren Farrell
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Those feminists who say that masculinity is about men believing they can batter women display the deepest ignorance possible about men and masculinity.
Warren Farrell
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In more than thirty years of conducting workshops, no one has ever said to me, Warren, I want a divorce – my partner understands me.
Warren Farrell
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In the past, socializing men to become the best killer-protectors led to the survival of the fittest. In the future, with nuclear technology, training killers is more likely to lead to the destruction of everyone.
Warren Farrell
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Empathy for women is an attribute of masculinity. When men play the protector role they are trying to save a woman from grief or pain. If they had no glimpse of her grief or pain, they wouldn't know when to protect.
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Societies in which men were unwilling to dispose of themselves in war were societies that usually got disposed of. Societies that were protected were protected by killers, which is why I call the traditional role of men the role of killer-protector.
Warren Farrell
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After divorce, women's biggest fear is economic deprivation; men's biggest fear is emotional deprivation.
Warren Farrell
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During what years should a child be introduced to better ways of giving and receiving criticisms – to what I call relationship language? Before school age. The best teacher? Parents.
Warren Farrell
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A woman living with her mother has limited freedom; a man living with his mother has limited freedom and limited respect. For most men, the vacuum (of no support system) is so devastating, they'd rather agree with their wife than express their feelings and risk emotional withdrawal.
Warren Farrell
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If we have integrity about our desire to support men to express feelings, every institution and attitude between the sexes will require questioning and adjusting.
Warren Farrell
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If we believe that it is predominantly men who batter women, it is hard to see why women also need to change: We will continue saying, Just change the men. They're the batterers.
Warren Farrell
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The nature of men's responsibilities distanced men from feelings, whereas the nature of women's responsibilities encouraged the expression of feelings.
Warren Farrell
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Quote of the day
The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning it.
Edward Bulwer-Lytton
Warren Farrell
Creative Commons
Born:
June 26, 1943
(age 80)
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