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Warren Farrell -
The Myth of Male Power (1993)
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Somehow, women's romance novels are not titled He Stopped When I Said No. They are, though, titled Sweet Savage Love, in which the woman rejects the hand of her gentler lover who saves her from the rapist and marries the man who repeatedly and savagely rapes her. It is this marry the rapist theme that not only turned Sweet Savage Love into a best-seller but also into one of women's most enduring romance novels.
Warren Farrell
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The most frequent way men are raped by adult women is "birth control rape."
Warren Farrell
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Unemployment to a man is the psychological equivalent of rape to a woman.
Warren Farrell
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Sexually, of course, the sexes aren't equal. It is exactly a woman's greater sexual power that often makes a man so fearful of being rejected by her that he buys himself drinks to reduce his fear. In essence, her sexual power often leads to him drinking; his sexual power rarely leads to her drinking. If anything is evidence of her power over him, it is his being expected to spend his money to buy her drinks without her reciprocating.
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Women's liberation and the male midlife crisis were the same search—for personal fulfillment, common values, mutual respect, love. But while women's liberation was thought of as promoting identity, the male midlife crisis was thought of as an identity crisis.
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The weakness of men is the facade of strength; the strength of women is the facade of weakness.
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Gay sex meant two hours of sexual pleasure in exchange for two hours of sexual pleasure. Heterosexual sex meant two hours of sexual pleasure in exchange for a lifetime of responsibility. Heterosexuality was a bad deal! The fear behind homophobia was that no one would be providing for the next generation. Everybody would be having fun. Thus fun became a sign of immaturity; hedonism in many forms became illegal.
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If the law tries to legislate our yeses and noes it will produce the straitjacket generation – a generation afraid to flirt, fearful of finding its love notes in a court suit. Date rape legislation will force suitors and courting to give way to courts and suing.
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Men's immediate path from the Insanity Track to the Sanity Track is in demanding that both sexes have the freedom to strike a balance between homeplace and workplace. Men must expect their wives to financially support them to be fathers as much as they now financially support their wives to be mothers. Women must have our approval to marry the warrior of love rather than the warrior of money.
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Unfortunately, the process of gaining money in [a man's] life usually meant alienating the wife in his life. Sometimes this leads to a legal divorce, but more often to a psychological divorce. Which is why a survey of doctors' wives reported in Medical/Mrs. Found the doctors' wives harboring hostility that was 'stunning to behold.' Yet the wives remained married to the doctors. Why? More than anything else, the wives said, they wanted security from marriage… the men, then, were often prostitutes to an illusion of emotional security. At least their wives had the reality of economic security.
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When we commit violence against an infant girl, we call it child abuse; when we commit violence against an infant boy, we call it circumcision.
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Laws with broad definitions of rape are like laws making 55 mile per hour speed limits for men and no speed limits for women.
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It is important that a woman's noes be respected and her yeses be respected. And it is also important when her nonverbal yeses (tongues still touching) conflict with those verbal noes that the man not be put in jail for choosing the yes over the no. He might just be trying to become her fantasy.
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Deprivation of the beautiful woman and sex with her until the man guarantees economic security in return;
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Sexual harassment legislation feels unfair to men because if they sued over an ethnic joke, or over a woman discussing pornography or asking them out, they'd be laughed out of the company.
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The Ms. survey can call it a rape; a relationship counselor will call it a relationship.
Spousal rape legislation is blackmail waiting to happen.
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We have entered 'The Era of the Three-Option Woman and the No-Option Man.'
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If a woman isn't being hazed, she's not being tested; therefore, she is not being trusted.
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Humans tend to start the process of change by acknowledging themselves—thus blacks asserted black pride and black is beautiful; women declared I am woman, I am strong ; men are saying I am man, I am okay. After a quarter of a century of male bashing, that's not a bad start.
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Black men, Indian men, and gay men have all have something in common: They do not provide an economic security blanket for women.
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Myth. Rape is a manifestation of male political and economic power. Fact. Any given black man is three times as likely to be reported a rapist as a white man. Do blacks suddenly have more political and economic power? Maybe rape does not derive from power, but rather from powerlessness.
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In the past, both sexes were anxious about sex and pregnancy. Now the pill minimizes her anxiety and condoms increase his. Now the pimple faced boy must still risk rejection while also overcoming his own fear of herpes and AIDS and reassuring her there is nothing to fear. He must still do the sexual risk-taking, but now he can be put in jail if he takes risks too quickly or be called a wimp if he doesn't take them quickly enough.
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How, then, can patriarchy be defined? Perhaps it can best be defined as the male area of dominance, responsibility, and subservience in a culture, reinforced by both sexes for the purpose of serving both sexes' survival needs. How can matriarchy be defined? As the female area of dominance, responsibility, and subservience in a culture, reinforced by both sexes for the purpose of serving both sexes' survival needs.
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What makes a teenage boy's anxiety so overwhelming is that a teenage boy's socialization is the demand to perform without the resources to perform. As a result, not only are his risks many, but his failures many. And so apparent… Second, the biggest winners—the football players—are receiving love via self-abuse. For some boys, receiving love via self-abuse creates anxiety. But losing love creates even more anxiety.
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We often hear, Rape is rape, right? No. A stranger forcing himself on a woman at knife point is different from a man and woman having sex while drunk and having regrets the morning. What is different? When a woman agrees to a date, she does not make a choice to be sexual, but she does make a choice to explore sexual possibilities. The woman makes no such choice with a stranger or an acquaintance.
Warren Farrell
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Quote of the day
Autumn burned brightly, a running flame through the mountains, a torch flung to the trees.
Faith Baldwin
Warren Farrell
Creative Commons
Born:
June 26, 1943
(age 80)
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