Tucker Max - I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (2006)

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There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

Tucker Max

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

Tucker Max

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

Tucker Max

My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?

Tucker Max

We can't get kicked out of McDonald's! This is like the DMZ of drunk eating.

Tucker Max

9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.

Tucker Max

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

Tucker Max