Tom Lehrer Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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I do have a cause, though. It is obscenity. I'm for it.

Tom Lehrer
He was into animal husbandry—until they caught him at it.

Tom Lehrer
When the air becomes uranious, we will all go simultaneous.

Tom Lehrer
We will all go together when we go,
All suffused with an incandescent glow.

Tom Lehrer
And we will all go together when we go—
Every Hottentot and every Eskimo.

Tom Lehrer
It's only for a week so have no fear!/
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

Tom Lehrer
Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Tom Lehrer
But don't panic. Base eight is just like base ten really — if you're missing two fingers.

Tom Lehrer
Step up and shake the hand
Of someone you can't stand,
You can tolerate him if you try!

Tom Lehrer
It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

Tom Lehrer
In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl'.

Tom Lehrer
You know, of all the songs I have ever sung, that is the one I've had the most requests not to.

Tom Lehrer
Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice,
Unless you get a good percentage of her price.

Tom Lehrer
I feel that if any songs are gonna come out of World War III, we'd better start writing them now.

Tom Lehrer
Oh, soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. Oooh.

Tom Lehrer
That's what happened to Lenny Bruce. He got angry, and then he wasn't funny any more. You have your choice there.

Tom Lehrer
I'd like to take you now, on wings of song as it were, and try and help you forget for a while your drab, wretched lives.

Tom Lehrer
So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Tom Lehrer
His rivals used to say quite a bit
That as a monarch he was most unfit.
But still in all they had to admit
That he loved his mother.

Tom Lehrer
The loveliest girl in Vienna
Was Alma, the smartest as well.
Once you picked her up on your antenna,
You'd never be free of her spell.

Tom Lehrer
Remember the war against Franco?
That's the kind where each of us belongs.
Though he may have won all the battles,
We had all the good songs.

Tom Lehrer
And that is the story of Alma,
Who knew how to receive and to give.
The body that reached her embalma'
Was one that had known how to live.

Tom Lehrer
Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Moslems,
And everybody hates the Jews.

Tom Lehrer
Oh, the white folks hate the black folks,
And the black folks hate the white folks;
To hate all but the right folks
Is an old established rule.

Tom Lehrer
There once lived a man named Oedipus Rex,
You may have heard about his odd complex.
His name appears in Freud's index
'Cause he loved his mother.

Tom Lehrer
Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks,
And the rich folks hate the poor folks.
All of my folks hate all of your folks,
It's American as apple pie.

Tom Lehrer
Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine,
And swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Tom Lehrer
How I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the feel of your whips, dear,
You can raise welts,
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango!

Tom Lehrer
It's people like that who make you realize how little you've accomplished. It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Tom Lehrer
No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant.

Tom Lehrer