Spike Milligan Quotes

20 Sourced Quotes

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.

Spike Milligan
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Spike Milligan
There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in,
But they're ever so small
That's why rain is thin.

Spike Milligan
I'm walking backwards for Christmas
Across the Irish Sea.

Spike Milligan
Of Fred Fernackerpan, a Mystery Goblin, who wore his trousers in the same style as Grand Old Duke of York:
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only half way up
He was arrested.

Spike Milligan
For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

Spike Milligan
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Spike Milligan
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

Spike Milligan
Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs?

Spike Milligan
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it's meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in

Spike Milligan
Money couldn't buy friends but you got a better class of enemy.

Spike Milligan
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

Spike Milligan
Her protruding breasts were pressed flat between his body and hers. He had felt them, he had fondled them, he lifted them, he pressed them, he weighed them, he valued them, he counted them, he massaged them, he stood back from them, he pulled them, he sat on them and picking up a banjo he played them.

Spike Milligan
I woke up this morning and I was still alive, so I am pretty cheerful.
On being 79

Spike Milligan
To fellow comedian Harry Secombe:
I hope you go before me because I don't want you singing at my funeral.

Spike Milligan
Listen, someone's screaming in agony—fortunately I speak it fluently.

Spike Milligan
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Spike Milligan
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee.
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Spike Milligan
The fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It is a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.

Spike Milligan