Robin Williams - Guy Quotes

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Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this...[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!" "No, baby, I'm up now! Ha ha ha!"

Robin Williams

I want the guy who does Mexican soccer to do golf one time. "The ball is starting…the ball is going to the…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!" Just to see all those old WASPy motherfuckers go "Oh dear Christ! My God, they're not gardening, they're playing now, oh shit! What the hell are we gonna do?" Because that was their last domain of dominance. It was their area, they were the king, up until…Tiger. Yesss. Son of a black man and a Thai woman, not even a German geneticist could've thought that one up!

Robin Williams

There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was Dock Ellis. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

Robin Williams

As beatific as Gandhi was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on Mother Teresa. He kept saying, "Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?"

Robin Williams