Phyllis Diller - Time Quotes

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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

Phyllis Diller

Some bad things have been happening lately. A pervert called me. Five times. Collect. And that damn fool won't tell me where he lives.

Phyllis Diller

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

Phyllis Diller

Fang's idea of a seven-course dinner is a six-pack and a bologna sandwich. The last time I said 'Let's eat out,' we ate in the garage.

Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Phyllis Diller