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Phyllis Diller - Kids Quotes

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I don't like to drink in front of the kids, and when they're not around, who needs it?

Phyllis Diller
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing.

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The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids... and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

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On her husband:
Fang is the cheapest man alive. On Christmas Eve, he puts the kids to bed, fires one shot, and tells them Santa has committed suicide.

Phyllis Diller

Quote of the day

Look in the mirror. The face that pins you with its double gaze reveals a chastening secret. You are looking into a predator's eyes. Most predators have eyes set right on the front of their heads, so they can use binocular vision to sight and track their prey.
Diane Ackerman

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller
Creative Commons

Born: July 17, 1917
Died: August 20, 2012 (aged 95)
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