Phyllis Diller - Kids Quotes

6 Sourced Quotes

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I don't like to drink in front of the kids, and when they're not around, who needs it?

Phyllis Diller

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids... and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

Phyllis Diller

Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

Phyllis Diller

On her husband:

Fang is the cheapest man alive. On Christmas Eve, he puts the kids to bed, fires one shot, and tells them Santa has committed suicide.

Phyllis Diller