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Phyllis Diller - Kids Quotes

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I don't like to drink in front of the kids, and when they're not around, who needs it?

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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing.

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The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids... and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

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On her husband:
Fang is the cheapest man alive. On Christmas Eve, he puts the kids to bed, fires one shot, and tells them Santa has committed suicide.

Phyllis Diller

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No man can tell what the future may bring forth, and small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
Demosthenes

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller
Creative Commons

Born: July 17, 1917
Died: August 20, 2012 (aged 95)
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