Peter Cook Quotes

17 Sourced Quotes

I am blind — but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new system known as 'broil'... I'm sorry, I'll just feel that again.

Peter Cook
DUDLEY: And will this wind be so mighty as to lay low the mountains of the earth?
PETER: No. It will not be quite as mighty as that. That is why we have come up on the mountain, you stupid nit. Up here we shall be safe—safe as houses.

Peter Cook
If there's one thing I can't bear, it's when hundreds of old men come creeping in through the window in the middle of the night and throw all manner of garbage over me. I can't bear that.

Peter Cook
All in all I'd rather have been a judge than a miner. And what's more, being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go. Well, the very opposite applies with judges. *

Peter Cook
I've had some wonderful ideas for getting the dominating going. I've got some extremely subtle advertising slogans that should get the public behind us. Things like "Vote for EL Wisty and lovely nude ladies will come and dance with you." It's a complete lie, of course, but you can't afford to be too scrupulous if you're going to dominate the world.

Peter Cook
I am very interested in the Universe - I am specialising in the Universe and all that surrounds it.

Peter Cook
I saw an advertisement the other day for the secret of life. It said 'The secret of life can be yours for twenty-five shillings. Sent to Secret of Life Institute, Willesden.' So I wrote away, seemed a good bargain, secret of life, twenty-five shillings. And I got a letter back saying, 'If you think you can get the secret of life for twenty-five shillings, you don't deserve to have it. Send fifty shillings for the secret of life.

Peter Cook
Now I tell you the downside of this is you feel awful, but the upside is you feel terrific.

Peter Cook
To a one-legged man that is auditioning for the role of Tarzan:
The leg division, Mr. Spiggott. You are deficient in it to the tune of one. Your right leg, I like. A lovely leg for the role. I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you.

Peter Cook
There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony, practically no sense of anything at all. If you're born with these so-called defects you have a very good chance of getting to the top.

Peter Cook
I go to the theatre to be entertained. I don't want to see plays about rape, sodomy and drug addiction – I can get all that at home.

Peter Cook
Yes, I could have been a judge but I never had the Latin, never had the Latin for the judging…—and so I became a miner instead.

Peter Cook
We exchanged many frank words in our respective languages.

Peter Cook
What terrible sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages.

Peter Cook
I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I can repeat them.
As the restaurateur Sir Arthur Strebe-Greebling

Peter Cook
The thing what makes you know that Vernon Ward is a good painter is if you look at his ducks, you can see the eyes follow you around the room.

Peter Cook
We need a futile gesture at this stage. It will raise the whole tone of the war.

Peter Cook